I've posted before about my marriage falling apart, pr0n addiction, and shooting blanks

So I finally decided to seek help and signed up for therapy sessions to resolve my childhood sexual trauma and other underlying issues

Had the initial intake interview this morning and was advised to read a book on overcoming pr0n and attending a SA meeting

Did therapy help you? pros and cons?

I learned that not all therapists are created equal, but I believe in the practice of it. I think it's important to know what kind of research they follow and adhere to as well.

Hope it's a successful endeavor. The longest relationship is the one we have with ourselves so congrats on your effort to improve yours.

I need to face.
... "A Beautiful Struggle"
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MELa
Musically.Entertaining.Lyrically.Alluring.

asking for a friend

title sounds like a thot rapper mixtape, but let me read it first

its self care for me...right along with the gym and eating right
ask any questions you need

I learned how to manage my emotions and reactions to unfortunate situations with emotional intelligence.

I recommend someone familiar with your culture. White therapists make a lot of assumptions and sometimes hear things that you didn't say based on their biases. I had an amazing 70 year old male Jewish therapist. I also had an amazing 50 year old black therapist. Look at their specialty - grief, trauma, identity and go from there.

Give each therapist about 3 months of biweekly sessions to determine if it is a good fit.

Everyone needs a therapist.

It was ok but the therapist was older white and bias.

I could definitely see the benefit with a better therapist.

I’m thinking about going back. I actually would like to find a place similar to the model that okp in Brooklyn set up that’s specifically for Black men.

Or maybe woman unless the issues surround your relationship with women.


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"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

not some crusty white woman who doesn’t know shit about my everyday struggles.

and most of my issues are with professional development in a white corporate world.

>and most of my issues are with professional development in a
>white corporate world.

This can be tough for even a black man if he doesn't have the corporate world experience.

I explain my workplace stuff and my therapist goes full Farrakhan on me and I have to be like, "Chill bro I just want a promotion"




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"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Conquering self doubt, just having that confidence every day and putting stuff in the right place emotionally.

He wasn't on some, "you can do anything you set your mind too" but rather "don't for a second think these crackers got anything on you"


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"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

First one was ok for being my first therapist, but I wasn't really able to go deep. Second one was just an asshole, this one is pretty good, though.

As far as results, it's mostly been about learning the best way to deal with my own shit and learning to process things I never really dealt with in my past. I don't know that you ever get "cured" of anything, but I do think it's possible to sort of phase out of a therapist, or even therapy in general. If you're looking for a specific thing, at least. I think it's important to give a therapist at least three visits before making up your mind, but if something seems really off with them, don't be afraid to ditch them. Sometimes people are only comfortable with someone from a similar background as them, some people are only comfortable with someone from a different background, what matters most is your level of comfort.

It took for me to be honest with myself about my self. Once that happened, my eyes opened and my head began to lead me better than my heart did.

and I prolly should've stayed in it longer to move from understanding "why," to coming up with strategies for dealing with it




Sometimes when I'm in a long line or in a busy store and feel anxious, I will harken back to my convos with the therapist



So all in all, it was a productive experience.

Someone gave me the advice that you have to go into therapy with a plan, wanting to address something specific. Otherwise, the sessions can be all over the place.

I had a specific thing I wanted to deal with, and while we focused on that I saw tremendous progress.

The problem now is that with those issues largely addressed, we are kind of just spinning wheels and I get the feeling the therapist is looking for issues which I don't think are there.


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"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

It's on you to pull that trigger.


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"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>Someone gave me the advice that you have to go into therapy
>with a plan, wanting to address something specific.
>Otherwise, the sessions can be all over the place.

Best advice I ever got was to write a letter before your first session summing up who you are, what you're dealing with and what you want to focus on and give it to them at the end of the session. That way you're both on the same page and you can find out quicker if they're going to be right for you.

Initial session in 2 weeks, for now I'm taking it one day at a time

I've created a support system ALSO with my brother and another close friend.

I'm doing a lot of the work without a therapist, but whatever you do you gotta build a support system around it for when you aren't in session.

good luck

When I was maybe 10 years old my family went through a lot of shit. My mom had had a big health scare, our business totally fell apart, we were broke as fuck (at one point I had save 13K and it was the only money we had at all, which we then spent, of course) and my parents probably should have gotten a divorce but didn't. We all started going, my parents went to a free one at the community center and talked some guy who had a big rep into giving discount sessions for me (their MO was always to put me first, even to a fault sometimes). It was a waste of time for me. I was pretty self-aware and so basically it was a series of "how do you feel" type questions trying to uncover something new. The only thing was that I had a pretty defined idea of how I felt and I wasn't really asking for anything from other people, really I felt well taken care of myself and just wanted people around me to be happier, though I didn't necessarily need that either. In the end, we played a lot of board games. Later I went to some other therapist, a free one, maybe I was 12 then. She didn't seem to have much to offer though she told me I was welcome to keep coming, which I did for a while.

Now, in my adult life one of my mentors was a huge proponent of therapy (and she was also into EST, like the Landmark Forum or whatever). She tried to get me back into it just as a means of coping with being a sensitive, insightful person in a fucked-up world (she was really brilliant, totally on another level from me) but I only kind of flirted with the idea. The EST thing definitely wasn't for me. Two of my best friends benefited a lot from therapy, the one kid was basically the product of a domineering mother who had a lot of weird gender confusion stuff in his household also and I think it put him on a clear, independent path. He's done well, married with two kids and a comfortable life now. The other was a pretty hard-driving lawyer who got caught up in all sorts of pills and shit, first painkillers and later all types of downers. He did the rehab thing but didn't buy that deep into it, it was more the consistent therapy stuff that let him get over it and just stick to smoking weed to chill out.

I've also dated a couple people who I helped get into therapy as a mutual decision. One had a lot of traumas from her childhood--without getting too detailed, she sustained two different types of abuse as a kid. I think it helped her but basically the day she went to therapy she was a zombie, we couldn't see each other on those days at all. She also had a hard time really opening up, she would lie to the therapist and often about inconsequential, face-saving things, though sometimes about big stuff. It helped her to a point and she got her shit together in a relative way, but not really. Still had a lot of bad, old habits but it was painful for her to stick with the process so she just kind of made due. It was sad because she was a really sharp, funny, charismatic girl. Another one had more clear symptoms of depression and had gone through a tumultuous time from maybe age 10 to 16, and then again from like 22 to 24. Therapy helped her a lot in terms of managing her emotions--mainly sadness and rage--and broadening his perspective. But even there, with a positive example, it's going to be a lifelong thing for her. It isn't like you go, get patched up and you're good as new, obviously.

Recently I've considered giving it another shot myself but instead I've found other things to center me and make me more self-aware. Social interaction is a big one, and man is that getting tougher and tougher in America between the physical and virtual isolation that're prevalent now. Guided meditation is also good, and I find repetitive activities with rewards clear the mind and ease the soul (I will fuck you at the foul line man, I'm hitting 18/20 consistently now).

it didn't do anything for me. I wasn't able to process anything that was happening then in any real way, I don't think there was anything that could've helped at the time.

by the time I got to couples therapy with my wife, I had done some self reflection and work already, but I now think it could've all been done a lot more easily/directly if, at the point where I realized I needed to change some things, I had gone to therapy.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

what I was like as a kid, and I definitely would've been resistant to it, just for the sake of doing that.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

The key is finding the right therapist. Wasnt till my forth that the fit was right and I made incredible progress.

i know my workplace offers an external service with 6 free sessions but don't know if my medical has coverage for regular sessions.

crisis mode and on the brink

didnt do a fucking thing

subsequently ending up checking into rehab for about a week then split prematurely because it wasn't...

doing a fucking thing

now I've resigned to just not do the things (externally) that are making my bad situation (upstairs) even worse

I'm knuckling up and girding my loins sorta speak

facing the boogey man under my bed, hiding in the shadows, in my mirror etc

figured I'd stop running and looking for crutches, and just stare that motherfucker square in the eyes until one of us breaks

I've been in therapy off and on for 11 of the past 20 years. I started when I was 25 I think and I'm now 42 and been in therapy regularly for the past nine years.

I'm someone who had various forms of trauma happen to me in my childhood and a mental illness (bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder and generalized anxiety disorder) due to unresolved issues based on the trauma. So therapy was something I *had* to do.

But I wish I had started therapy earlier in life, like back during my second year of college when a deep depression came over me. All in all, it's been a very positive experience.

I was generally aware of my issues, but I didn't realize how deeply and profoundly they affected every area of my life until I went into therapy. It's given me a resilience that I don't think I would have gotten any other way. As someone who feels but doesn't share those feelings with many, it's been a good outlet to talk through my thoughts that I didn't feel safe opening up to someone about.

It's great that you're trying therapy. Everyone should try it. We all carry scars and trauma, especially as disadvantaged people, so removing the effects of that can mean a life of thriving instead of surviving.

Good luck, bro.