I was feeling guilty about this. Almost like I cheated. Truthfully, until he reached out and shared that he was interested, I'd basically chalked up my experience to the friends with benefits code.

The reality is that as I get older, casual hookups seem to have far greater consequences, not just STD's and pregnancy. But emotional and energetic consequences. We both didn't want to close off our options, yet had feelings for each other beyond sex.

I am at a point of when I do start dating again, I want one person who I can be open and honest with and not feel as if I need to have outside peen to balance out the uncertainty.

So yeah I have a lot of healing to do.