>Having been through 2 divorces, and seeing so many others
>close to me divorce, and knowing why, I've come to a few
>conclusions:
>
>1. Love should not be the overarching reason to marry.
>Ultimately, legal marriage is a contract that should be
>negotiated, complete with what happens when it ends. What you
>do/say in the church should be wholly separate from what
>happens on the papers you sign. One should have nothing to do
>with the other. Marry in the "eyes of God", fine...but when
>it comes to the courts and your State? Make. a. contract.
>
>2. People don't know how to communicate their feelings
>honestly, be vulnerable and have patience/compassion for their
>partner all at the same time. We don't value conflict and
>generally avoid it because it's mainly seen as something
>bad...instead of seeing it as your avenue to get closer to
>each other. There should be ground rules that are upheld by
>both parties in conflict. Folks don't respect that or take the
>time to talk about those boundaries.
>
>3. People expect their partners to always be the same person
>forever..we don't allow for change and growth within our
>marriage WHILE consistently communicating about that change
>and growth in an honest, open way. By extension, we don't give
>people the space to be flawed humans. Or one person will claim
>all that space, but expect the other to be perfect (and vice
>versa)
>
>4. Basically, we suck at relationships because we don't want
>to do the work (if one person does the work and the other
>doesn't, well...). Couples that last a long time tend to put
>in the WORK...which often entails all of the above (and more)
>
>d
>
>