Having been through 2 divorces, and seeing so many others close to me divorce, and knowing why, I've come to a few conclusions:

1. Love should not be the overarching reason to marry. Ultimately, legal marriage is a contract that should be negotiated, complete with what happens when it ends. What you do/say in the church should be wholly separate from what happens on the papers you sign. One should have nothing to do with the other. Marry in the "eyes of God", fine...but when it comes to the courts and your State? Make. a. contract.

2. People don't know how to communicate their feelings honestly, be vulnerable and have patience/compassion for their partner all at the same time. We don't value conflict and generally avoid it because it's mainly seen as something bad...instead of seeing it as your avenue to get closer to each other. There should be ground rules that are upheld by both parties in conflict. Folks don't respect that or take the time to talk about those boundaries.

3. People expect their partners to always be the same person forever..we don't allow for change and growth within our marriage WHILE consistently communicating about that change and growth in an honest, open way. By extension, we don't give people the space to be flawed humans. Or one person will claim all that space, but expect the other to be perfect (and vice versa)

4. Basically, we suck at relationships because we don't want to do the work (if one person does the work and the other doesn't, well...). Couples that last a long time tend to put in the WORK...which often entails all of the above (and more)

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