Well maybe not everyone. But very close family and friends are all having the same convos and its disheartening. Some of them I do think should make that move (dealing with a substance abuser). Some I think are not handling well the ups and down that come with any marriages.

It seem the fault lines in relationships that started showing in the 20s and festered in the 30s because full on life changing earthquakes in our 40s.

What's messing with me is that all of these folks and other have cited in some form or fashion my wife and I relationship as relationship goals and we BOTH tell them that no one knows what goes on in other folks marriage so you can't compare your relationship to someone elses.

My theory is that Social Media got everyone envying someone elses live/relationship and making us all feel worst. My other theory is that no one really THAT happy and everyone is faking it to some level. I don't know.

I need some advice on giving advice!!!


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

going through the divorce thing?

What are men citing as their prime motivation? Is it mid-life crisis shit? They tryna live young playerish lifestyles again? They feel unappreciated?

For me, people I know are either single or just now having kids, so the divorce issue seems to be in the distant horizon

The women seem to have more legit issues. Dudes not being about that family life so they drinking alot, staying out late a lot.

The dudes are sort of the flipside of it. Just feeling mad not appreciated at home and want to tune out the nagging wife. When you feel like the wife is nagging you then you can find yourself daydreaming about that hooters waitress who smiles and laughs at your jokes. A couple of the dudes have the misguided notion that there is something better for them out there. Knowing everyone involved I am like naw that ain't it.

It definitely is a phase of life. At one point it was all weddings, then all new babies and now I am in the divorce phase.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>The women seem to have more legit issues. Dudes not being
>about that family life so they drinking alot, staying out late
>a lot.
>
>The dudes are sort of the flipside of it. Just feeling mad
>not appreciated at home and want to tune out the nagging wife.
> When you feel like the wife is nagging you then you can find
>yourself daydreaming about that hooters waitress who smiles
>and laughs at your jokes. A couple of the dudes have the
>misguided notion that there is something better for them out
>there. Knowing everyone involved I am like naw that ain't
>it.
>
>It definitely is a phase of life. At one point it was all
>weddings, then all new babies and now I am in the divorce
>phase.
>

The people I know that had really rocky marriages benefited from a move to another state, another city. Sometimes it really is a toxic environment (work, friends, other influences) more so than a poisoned relationship. One dude couldn't NOT talk about his wife every time we
went out after work, but they moved out to LA, now they're good.

I expect it to just be a part of the human experience

kind of like how I'm in a place now where the most hardened anti-kid people I know are having kids, I'm seeing that life just keeps moving forward

>I need some advice on giving advice!!!

Like you basically said everyone's relationship comes in every shape and size. They're people who put up with too much shit and those who tap out at the smallest of issues.

With those who have been willing to share with me the aftermath of their divorces I've heard a lot eye opening shit (one sided of course).

Cant wait for mine to be finalized.

There were prolly 5 of us and all of them were going they divorce or were headed that direction

I hit the blunt one last time and bounced up out of there.

I think CIAA got these dudes in Charlotte thinking they still in college.

Seems like most people I know getting a divorce viewed marriage as some cure all. Like a ring wil fix the flaws instead of realizing no one is perfect.

Ionno, I got kids tho, young kids... I can’t even imagine not living in the same house with my kids. Gotta be some real foul shit going on.

Truth be told a lot of folks don’t want to admit it’s over. I’m not talking about marriage. I’m talking running these streets.

>Truth be told a lot of folks don’t want to admit it’s
>over. I’m not talking about marriage. I’m talking running
>these streets.
>

I go to work
I drive a lil Uber
I buy records
I drink with my neighbor and watch sports....he's married with 3 kids.
Me and the wife have date nights
We have game and movie nights with "The Kid"

You can have dem skreets






*************************************

Fuck aliens

-Warriorpoet415

https://astackofwax.com/

#2dopebrothersandastackofwax

https://www.instagram.com/thirtythree.three/

The Greatest Story (N)ever Told (finished)

http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=s

real hard

Had a nice lil run in my early 30’s too.

But those days are over.

35?

Let's pump the brakes mayne. I crack up at these dudes that try to relive college days

*************************************

Fuck aliens

-Warriorpoet415

https://astackofwax.com/

#2dopebrothersandastackofwax

https://www.instagram.com/thirtythree.three/

The Greatest Story (N)ever Told (finished)

http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=s

Bruh, by my mid 30’s I was like a boxer with no legs

>35?

>Let's pump the brakes mayne. I crack up at these dudes that
>try to relive college days


Just bein' an on-looker is awkward AF.

>Truth be told a lot of folks don’t want to admit it’s
>over. I’m not talking about marriage. I’m talking running
>these streets.

man... you better open your eyes to other pursuits / interests / hobbies

Not even on some doing dirt ish but to be out and finally have the money to do it properly.

Can't help but want to stick your toe in it every now and then.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

but making it a full one thing and leaving the family... nah

An older homeboy, who'd been married to his college sweetheart, suddenly hit a new stride in his career, from excellent to fucking excellent. Prompting his sudden decision to hit those streets again. Surprising everyone he moved out and bought an amazing new home in the city he was working in--instead of commuting daily as he did before. Soon he divorced his wife and got partial custody of the kids. At the time it was seemingly devastating to everyone, except him.

Said he'd never marry again, that he was going to be a bachelor forever. He was excited to show off his new rotation. All the women I met look like they could have been millennial sisters of his wife, except ditsy and less attractive.

Fast forward two years--they're remarried & you'd never know anything happened.

made me feel.

Lol.

Just wow.

>An older homeboy, who'd been married to his college
>sweetheart, suddenly hit a new stride in his career, from
>excellent to fucking excellent. Prompting his sudden decision
>to hit those streets again. Surprising everyone he moved out
>and bought an amazing new home in the city he was working
>in--instead of commuting daily as he did before. Soon he
>divorced his wife and got partial custody of the kids. At the
>time it was seemingly devastating to everyone, except him.
>
>Said he'd never marry again, that he was going to be a
>bachelor forever. He was excited to show off his new
>rotation. All the women I met look like they could have been
>millennial sisters of his wife, except ditsy and less
>attractive.
>
>Fast forward two years--they're remarried & you'd never know
>anything happened.

>Ionno, I got kids tho, young kids... I can’t even imagine
>not living in the same house with my kids. Gotta be some real
>foul shit going on.

It's crazy because even with twins, and even with them being 8, it already is starting to feel like we are coming on the other side of that all encompassing child rearing that takes up so much of your bandwidth. You can see how your kids will need you less and less and if you aren't focused on the kids then you begin to focus on each other.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>
>I need some advice on giving advice!!!

is keeping most of your thoughts internal lol, but I'm sure in some cases, that's not possible.

i learned that lesson a long time ago.

so you kind look at your life like, how do i want to spend the rest of the time i have on this earth? Am i happy? etc.

A lot of people look at marriage the same way that they look at divorce - like a quick fix. But then they have no idea what they want out of their life. You gotta know what you want (like really want, I'm not talking about chasing strange), and then decide if you can build that w/your better half.

Kids are an extra wrinkle. Like legs said, i can't imagine not living w/my lil' ace. I'll do everything I can to work things through, cuz of him.


If i had to give any 'advice' I'd tell them to figure out what the fuck they really want out of life, and be as realistic as possible about what both options hold.

can bring a funk to your very world.

Most of the dudes I know here are the husbands to my wife's friends. I'm cool with all of 'em and even know a bit about the blues they're facing. Shoot! They may even catch a whiff of my stuff when they engage in pillow talk with their own wife.

And once people start talking like that about getting a divorce, all they're really looking for is someone to cosign the decision they've, more than likely, already made. So, what advice can you give them that they haven't already heard/seen/read elsewhere and that would keep them from doing what they already want to do?

>can bring a funk to your very world.


Man me and my wife have caught ourselves in a couple of fights over our friends cheating.

I was like why you bring that trifling cheating ass heffer around? She was like, but she cheating with your boy who you got no problems with?!?

Point taking.

You follow the escapades of your friends up and downs and it can have you looking at your own marriage funny style.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Took him out to the scrip club, and these negroes are passing the hat around to bring one of the dancers back to the hotel. Told em I aint want no parts of it, just drop me back off at my hotel. Those plans fell through, but on the way back he decides to tell us that he really didnt wanna get married, and that just last week, his old thang from B'more had visited and he went and got it "one last time", but had made plans for her to visit again. I'm screaming on dude like "why the fuck are you marrying this girl tomorrow if you already planning on cheating on her??"

One of the dude with us can't hold water, so he told his wife...who then told my wife...so now I'm answering questions everytime I come back to Charlotte to hang. I eventually cut dude loose (on some other shit), but "that cloud" aint over our heads anymore





*************************************

Fuck aliens

-Warriorpoet415

https://astackofwax.com/

#2dopebrothersandastackofwax

https://www.instagram.com/thirtythree.three/

The Greatest Story (N)ever Told (finished)

http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=s

How many wives tell their husbands when their friend doesnsome dirt?

we act like, you know...animals. you do it because you've seen others do it, it's
impressionable when you're young. and then reality hits, time goes on. looking
back, i would much rather get married at an older age, after i have experienced
the joys and pains of different relationships. i think it gives you a better idea of
what it takes to be in a good relationship that could lead to marriage.

Are all naturally monogamous, there are plenty more examples including a bunch of different primates.

plus swans and wolves don't have access to instagram, got that latest iphone, and
don't drive bmws. sophisticated animals. but may be they have something else. it's
probably more than 60% which, doesn't seem like success.

because folks are waiting a bit longer instead of getting married all young and dumb

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https://cdn0.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/PYzh4v9cSf4FDnq3yMQyqNqh79o=/800x0/filters:no_upscale%28%29/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/4079674/jlio.0.gif

Never understood that shit.

You only suppose to have sex with one person after marriage in most relationships and you want to be stingy?

Give a person sex and they will more than likely do whatever you ask. Deny them sex and watch how ugly it gets.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

And don’t talk shit about them until the divorce is final....and even THEN stay neutral.
I agree with your suspicion about social media too.

but on some... “damn, why do you think they did that?” to try and get them to open up or give some counter points so they can look at themselves and what they are doing in the relationship

My boy tho... he is trying to get back with his ex. Not sure if they ever made it official but I think he realized the single life is only cute for a minute

But I ain’t ask him no questions about how, why, etc. I ain’t in it.

I o my give advice to the closest of friends who can handle the truth.

Having been through 2 divorces, and seeing so many others close to me divorce, and knowing why, I've come to a few conclusions:

1. Love should not be the overarching reason to marry. Ultimately, legal marriage is a contract that should be negotiated, complete with what happens when it ends. What you do/say in the church should be wholly separate from what happens on the papers you sign. One should have nothing to do with the other. Marry in the "eyes of God", fine...but when it comes to the courts and your State? Make. a. contract.

2. People don't know how to communicate their feelings honestly, be vulnerable and have patience/compassion for their partner all at the same time. We don't value conflict and generally avoid it because it's mainly seen as something bad...instead of seeing it as your avenue to get closer to each other. There should be ground rules that are upheld by both parties in conflict. Folks don't respect that or take the time to talk about those boundaries.

3. People expect their partners to always be the same person forever..we don't allow for change and growth within our marriage WHILE consistently communicating about that change and growth in an honest, open way. By extension, we don't give people the space to be flawed humans. Or one person will claim all that space, but expect the other to be perfect (and vice versa)

4. Basically, we suck at relationships because we don't want to do the work (if one person does the work and the other doesn't, well...). Couples that last a long time tend to put in the WORK...which often entails all of the above (and more)

d

>Having been through 2 divorces, and seeing so many others
>close to me divorce, and knowing why, I've come to a few
>conclusions:
>
>1. Love should not be the overarching reason to marry.
>Ultimately, legal marriage is a contract that should be
>negotiated, complete with what happens when it ends. What you
>do/say in the church should be wholly separate from what
>happens on the papers you sign. One should have nothing to do
>with the other. Marry in the "eyes of God", fine...but when
>it comes to the courts and your State? Make. a. contract.
>
>2. People don't know how to communicate their feelings
>honestly, be vulnerable and have patience/compassion for their
>partner all at the same time. We don't value conflict and
>generally avoid it because it's mainly seen as something
>bad...instead of seeing it as your avenue to get closer to
>each other. There should be ground rules that are upheld by
>both parties in conflict. Folks don't respect that or take the
>time to talk about those boundaries.
>
>3. People expect their partners to always be the same person
>forever..we don't allow for change and growth within our
>marriage WHILE consistently communicating about that change
>and growth in an honest, open way. By extension, we don't give
>people the space to be flawed humans. Or one person will claim
>all that space, but expect the other to be perfect (and vice
>versa)
>
>4. Basically, we suck at relationships because we don't want
>to do the work (if one person does the work and the other
>doesn't, well...). Couples that last a long time tend to put
>in the WORK...which often entails all of the above (and more)
>
>d
>
>

>Having been through 2 divorces, and seeing so many others
>close to me divorce, and knowing why, I've come to a few
>conclusions:
>
>1. Love should not be the overarching reason to marry.
>Ultimately, legal marriage is a contract that should be
>negotiated, complete with what happens when it ends. What you
>do/say in the church should be wholly separate from what
>happens on the papers you sign. One should have nothing to do
>with the other. Marry in the "eyes of God", fine...but when
>it comes to the courts and your State? Make. a. contract.

Building something meant to be forever -- marriage -- on something that, by design, is fleeting -- romantic love -- is an inherently flawed premise.

do less work.

break up.

which is not to say that relationships don't require work...but I've never actually seen this mystical relationship that would be good if there were just more work done.

there's nothing about a long relationship that signifies it's a good one.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

I agree that new relationships shouldn't be alot of work. I've seen couples in their first year of dating doing couples counseling and that's crazy to me. Best let that one go and find something else like you said.

But if you talking marriage and raising kids, dealing with finanacial issues and the whole nine? There is definitely work involved in keeping that healthy and successful.

If you don't think so I can't believe you've been in that sort of LTR and dealing with those sort of issues for very long.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

how difficult it is depends on the couple. maybe his is easier than what he's hearing from others. I feel like my marriage is way easier than other folks.

we communicate......a LOT, in order to mitigate huge blow ups. those still happen at times, but they're short lived. no carry over anger or resentment.

there's on going maintenance that's handled on the daily. all of it is inclusive of the kids, finances, house shit, etc. and if there's an issue, bring'em out, bring'em out. clear the air, makes sure everybody's heard, even if the disagreement is still there. admit what I did/said and vice versa. move on to dinner or whatever activity is coming up next.

It's so easy to get lazy and just expect our spouse to know what we need and want. There's that ideal out there of meeting your soul mate that everything just clicks with with little effort but I think that's rarely the case for most relationships.

Usually, a relationship involves two people that are still figuring themselves out. It's hard enough for them to even understand what they truly need or want because those things might be changing as they mature.

On top of that, they may express themselves differently (i.e. the different Love Languages).

The best way to reinforce the relationship for the long term is for both parties to commit (and occasionally recommit) to expressing themselves to each other in ways that they can both understand.

because I think you'll find people who had other problems



www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

>because I think you'll find people who had other problems

I don't totally understand your point here.

to me, there are always other problems and they shape who we are and who we'll become. That's a huge part of what needs to be communicated in a relationship in the first place.

If I crave a sense of order in our household bc I was raised in a chaotic one, the better I'm able to understand that in myself, the better I'll be able to express it to my partner and hopefully come to some understanding.

That understanding may be that I need to get some counseling to process my history and learn to not be as triggered by clutter but she may also commit to being more organized in shared spaces so I'm less likely to be triggered and irritable.

It may also be that there's too wide of a gulf between us so we'd be running uphill in an icestorm if we continued the relationship.

I think it's more constructive for the couple to communicate more even if they end up splitting because they learn more from the situation. If you just break up because you're a "neat freak" and she's a "slob", you're likely to just carry your problems into the next relationship.

when you tell people they need to do more work to have a long relationship, and that long relationships are always the ideal, you're not acknowledging that some relationships just aren't going to work out, or aren't healthy to be in.




www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

y'all can't read.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

For me the work part means both partners do things that the other will appreciate. It shouldn't be HARD work, because you shouldn't have to break your back to please your spouse. To me the work is needed just to keep things fresh. It shouldn't be one spouse planning nights out all the time, it shouldn't be one spouse setting up nice things for the other. When people say put in work like you have to always be on your grind that makes me question if those people are even compatible in the first place. It's a relationship, not a full time job, and it shouldn't feel like that.

I think the way people frame it leads people to stay in terrible situations and blame themselves for not doing enough work to make it better and that's what I don't like.


they think "we're not happy because I'm not working hard enough"

without looking at all the factors that are making them unhappy that can't be resolved by working harder.



www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

it's work in the same way you tend to a garden. keep watering the plants and everything is gravy. keep loving and everything is gravy...for clarification "loving" is a verb in this case. It's action and consideration. Not too deep.

I guess it’s bevause it implies something negative but that’s not the case

I think it’s more like maintaining a house.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

watch the 'Pickle Rick' episode of Rick and Morty.

"...and if you have any other friends that are eating poop and would like to stop, have them give me a call..."

anti-commitment. too easy to connect with old friends, old flames, with anyone. put that shit down.

2ndly, people gotta realize, in order for a marriage or any long term committed relationship to work, you have to WANT to be together. no fence straddling, no doubt. you have to feel like life is better with this person in it than without. if u aint got that, eventually its goin down hill.

if you want to cheat you don't need social media for that shit.

there are people in towns of 25 people who've never heard of the internet who fuck around on their spouses

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

Heard a loud ass argument on the street coming home last night... woman was screaming on her man.

"Why am I not loyal because I pursue a business opportunity!!!"

I was like oh that dude is controlling. What an asshole.

Then she continued

"Just because I'm throwing a party in his back yard?!"

Wait what type of business opportunity is this? Mind you this woman is not a young 20 something or even 30 something. I'm kinda confused.

Then the social media thing comes in

"And now I'm supposedly subbing you?! How am I subbing you?! Whatever I got to say I'll say it!"

This is where I was like social media has poisoned not only our youth, but our older people too.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

>
>"Get ready....for your blessing....."

wow...

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

olds talk about these kids being different. they're not and neither were we.

>This is where I was like social media has poisoned not only
>our youth, but our older people too.

its not the only problem, but damn if it aint a big one

Making the world smaller amplifies shit times 100,000,000.

Give people the impression that everyone else is doing great and THEY must be the only ones with problems. Because everyone's always putting their best self out there you don't realize that the couple with all the cute selfies from their trip has been googling divorce lawyers every other month.

dude took his girlfriend to Greece at that shit you always see on instagram. straight bombarded everyone's feed w/ pics of his girl and all the shit they did.

he got back and i asked him how the trip was "worst week of my life. i wouldve left her in Greece if i could" o_O

Who are just combination of stressed and bored with the stress are the ones that kill me. And then the we're thinking about an open relationship ones when they got kids and property like that shit is gonna work. I feel for these kids though.

My advice stay the fuck away. My wife told me Jack and Jill are having problems, I never talked to jack again. To be fair we were never tight but ain't no way I'm getting in the middle.

█▆▇▅▇█▇▆▄▁▃
Big PEMFin H & z's
"I ain't no entertainer, and ain't trying to be one. I am 1 thing, a musician." � Miles

"When the music stops he falls back in the abyss."

relationship and think "goals"

unless you're in it, you have *no idea* what's going on with those people, I've had people say similar about me and my wife and I'm like...we're fighting right now tho

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

Remember the first time I thought that about two people who seemed to have EVERYTHING I would've wanted. They shared hobbies, had a nice house they regularly entertained in, took trips everywhere. Couple years later they're divorced and he moved to the other side of the country quick (not hard to figure out what was going on there) and apparently they liked to entertain so much because it was the only thing that kept them from yelling at each other.

It always looks perfect from the outside.

i WILL say that...



"Get ready....for your blessing....."

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I always see people talkin bout "You need to put in the work".

Ya'll forget, some of these people just ain't compatible and it was doomed to not work in the first place. You can't force something major like marriage, and the only reason some people even stay together as long as they do is because they're locked into a contract with serious repercussions if its broken.

Some people shouldn't even be dating, but some folks see things getting rough and think that having children or getting married will fix it. Fuck that. Not everything is fixable. If you're fussing over some ol petty shit they yeah, it might be you and you're complaining about small shit. However, some people have good enough reason to get the hell up out of there before it gets too bad, and no amount of whatever advice you give is going to help. The last thing you want is something to fuck up your mental or physical health by staying in a relationship or marriage that shouldn't have gone as far as it did.

Why would anyone stay in an unhappy marriage.
It sucks the life out of you,
Turns your soul cold.
Ages you
F*CK that!!!

Divorce and move on.
You will lift a heavy weight of stress off your shoulders.

Some folks aren’t even trying to fix what’s broke.. and it’s usually themselves.

one of my friends described it as speeding towards a brick wall (marriage) and you bail out before you crash or you just bust right on through that shit and deal with whatever's on the other side. so far everyone is bailing.

i guess in the old days those folks would've gotten married and then divorced in their 30s/40s.

Used to see freshman on campus in Kentucky with engagement rings. What’s the rush?

...which also began there. One other couple who broke up, for at least 10 years, then reunited and married and are also still together. That's it.

Also, the main ones back then giving out unsolicited relationship advice, especially after they first got married were among the first to divorce.

On the same topic, I have a homeboy who got married less than a year before me, he's another unsolicited marriage advice giver. The same Negro also comments to me regularly, since his wedding, that he's unsure that he made the right decision to marry his wife.

my first love... pretty sure she married her HS sweetheart when she moved back to Cali but I think they divorced.

>

I know it's hard. My old man told me. My mom done told me. My grandmother told me. And all of my uncles and aunts who are still married after 40+ years done told me.

I think most people are built for it but choose to not deal with that level of commitment it takes to be successful in marriage.

This is LOVE and MARRIAGE (any relationship for that matter) in a nutshell...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (New International Version)

The level of commitment and discipline it takes for this to be one's life is indescribable. Why not aspire to it though? It just takes two people aspiring to the same thing. And once one of those people chooses to no longer aspire to and work towards this, the marriage has already failed IMO.

A time period when the Pops was spending a little bit too much time out at the juke joints and their were rumors of stuff going on.

Then they get in their 60+s and they become that cute little old people couple that everyone wants to be like.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>RE: The thing is, all the 40+ year relationships I know had a "wilderness" period
>A time period when the Pops was spending a little bit too
>much time out at the juke joints and their were rumors of
>stuff going on.
>

Not saying that any of it was right. And in some of those cases, it wasn't just Pops out there getting their lil swerve on. Moms was out there too or had Jody sliding in the back door while Pops was out doing his thing.

They just stay committed to that lifetime together. Didn't mean they were miserable in marriage or dying in love. They were just humans who, if they had to, chose to forgive each other and move past it for the sanctity of that commitment that many of them made before God.

It ain't rocket science. It's, IMO, exactly what I posted with the Bible verse from Corinthians. Do we have the fortitude to do those things on daily basis? Forgive? Not keep score? Be patient? Be kind? I've recently read that it's a daily choice we have to make. Don't worry about next year because you've first got to get through that one day. I pray daily for components of love to be present in my spirit and in my physical so that me and The Wiz can make that one day the best day possible. Tomorrow takes care of itself.

>Then they get in their 60+s and they become that cute little
>old people couple that everyone wants to be like.
>
This is when we start finding out about other siblings that lived on the other side of town. LMAO

A concept people get towards child rearing. Not so much about mates.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>My theory is that Social Media got everyone envying someone
>elses live/relationship and making us all feel worst. My
>other theory is that no one really THAT happy and everyone is
>faking it to some level. I don't know.

on top of us both being private, we're more occupied with trying to be happy than documenting it

for anyone who thinks a wedding day solves everything, you're in for a rude awakening unless you're already perfect for each other and things stay that way. never envy anyone else's situation if you haven't been there

it's a real test of emotional strength and vulnerability, make sure the person you're in it with is worth going through those ups and downs

my wife's cousin is maybe 7-8 years younger than me and he didn't have a ton of good examples growing up, he's about to propose and he really looks up to us. without him even realizing it, that puts pressure on us while we're trying to figure it all out

Peace,

Spirit (Alan)
http://wutangbook.com

and she says we need to go to couples therapy and work on this.

I am of the mind that you can't make nobody stay. Let him go and he might decide on his own that he made a mistake, but I can't see convincing a person to put in the work if they don't want to put in the work.

I say you should believe a person when they tell you what they want.


Is there another way to look at this?

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

time & energy....


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

If the marriage has become abusive staying for the kids is a very bad example of what they should put up with. Some kids would be better off if the parents split and they don't have to be in a toxic household. I do think if there are a shit ton of misunderstandings then yes counseling should be considered.

That don't fix everything though, and a lot of time people refuse to change or think they've done nothing wrong.

Even though it may help them see how delusional they are about thenexpeftations of marriage.

I think you should do whatever you can to try and save a marriage before getting a divorce.

I don't care if someone is caught dead ass cheating, if they both want to save that marriage there is something there to work with.

But if one person has no interest in saving the marriage? I can't see dragging that person to therapy or doing much else but letting them go.

Again, I might be thinking about it wrong.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

if they refuse then sure... it’s over

If they agree to go one time I think it shows they aren’t completely gone already.

Last night I went to the MMM website. Mr.MoneyMustache or some shit. He introduced the frugal FIRE lifestyle to a lot of folks and i wanted to see if he had some new tricks on saving money. His last post of 2018 was about divorce. HIS divorce. Most people thought it was because his wife was tired of living the frugal lifestyle and left him but he said HE asked for the divorce.

All this to say I think until you exhaust all options you should try whatever you can to save the marriage. First time someone says they want out I don’t think you just say OK. Dueces.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef5CRmUabsI

"Get ready....for your blessing....."