* Not keeping me looking cute as a child/stressing the importance of keeping oneself up.
* Not telling me I had to be "twice as good."

I often resent the first bullet. I go back and forth on the second bullet. On one hand, I got to be human and be occasionally mediocre without the weight of being preoccupied about white folks/systemic structures working against me. On the other hand, I probably would have performed better in school/earlier in my career. My mom wasn't even being deliberate or intentional by not telling me I had to twice as good; she just never thought to tell me likely because she's not very competitive. See my original post about how seriously (or not-so-seriously ) she approached my education.

Now, back to the first point: none of the women in my family are particularly "sharp" or "fly." It's mostly average/conventional women who are Plain Janes or followers when it comes to style and fashion. My mother and I started wearing lipstick around the same time (!). One of us was about to turn 30, the other one was about to turn 65.

Now, you don't need to wear makeup to keep yourself up, but for me, the period I started wearing lipstick marked a time when I began putting more effort in my physical appearance than ever before. I'm really into that now but it's still a struggle and I have plenty of "off" days. I wish this vanity thing was instilled into me during my youth. There were times I tried to look cute and keep my hair done during my preteen years but my mom would not cooperate. She had the money but wouldn't let me get my hair done, AND she did NOT know how to do hair! Arggghhh!! I remember she once said that her own hair probably did not look all that good but that she didn't care.

Hmpf.

As a little girl, my hair generally was not done for school pictures and the teachers at my pre-school/kindergarden/ K-5 summer school program could always tell if I was staying with my dad and stepmom, or my biological mom that particular week. I'd hear them talk about it cause they were gossipy Black women. LOL.

In college, I looked a hot mess for, like, 85 percent of the time. I just found one of my old college IDs. WTF?

What kills me is that my mom got on me for having a wrinkly shirt last year, but it's like, you didn't seem to care about my clothes when I was a little girl. The nerve!

One one hand, I appreciate not being raised by a vain woman because it taught me not to be superficial. I don't judge plain or frumpy women the way some of my peers do. On the other hand, I feel inconvenienced by what I've had to learn over the past few years. Still trying to figure out my style and shit.

Anyway, being a little vain and putting effort into how I present myself is important to me. It's not about attracting a partner because I'm even interested in dating right now. I just like feeling good and confident when I walk out the door. I love feeling "put together."