Religious and spiritual people consider the deeper meaning behind life events and will often make comments like "Everything happens for a reason," or "Everything is in divine order."

I don't necessarily hold these beliefs but I'm not deeply offended by them and I understand them.

Now, those of y'all who do, help me out here:

Why do y'all think I ran into my abuser, a former classmate from my K-12 years, in a shopping plaza parking lot, which led to our brief "friendship?" And why do you think I keep running into relatives of said abuser after severing ties?

Here's the story:
I allowed this person to live with me for a little over a year after reconnecting and realizing he was down on his luck. Unfortunately, he engaged in sexual, verbal, physical, financial and emotional abuse. I could not legally kick him out until I got a police report. By the time this happened, I lost my job. This was what religious/spiritual folks call a “blessing” in disguise. I put in a 30-day notice to vacate my apartment and we parted ways. Sigh. Of. Relief.

Now, three disturbing things have happened since I ended this “friendship” last spring.

1. While at a red light last summer, I glanced over at a car to my right. It was ex-“friend’s” stepfather, the same person he said abused him during his childhood. He was staring right at me.
2. A few months later, his little brother, a recent college grad, accidentally backed into my car in the Walgreens parking lot and caused about $500-1000 in damage. He didn’t have his insurance card on him and gave me about $250 in cash instead. I took a picture of his car and license plate for reference. I suspected it was ex-friend's younger sibling but I wasn’t sure. After all, I had last saw him when he was a very small kid. This summer, while riding past his family home, I saw the same car in the driveway of ex-friend’s childhood home. My first stepfather still lives in the same subdivision and I was in the neighborhood for a visit. Same car, same plate number.
3. Last year, I got a new job with a large corporate employer that is associated with a new university building. Ex-friend’s mother is a professor at this school. Saw her once this year while on assignment for the company as I work in communications and interact with many people, including her professor colleagues. She looked at me and I said nothing as I haven’t seen her in 20 years. I don't think she knew who I was.

And then there was yesterday. I was looking at one of my employer’s Instagram accounts. I often write blurbs to accompany the photos but I don’t manage the profile. My coworker had posted a photo of the ex-friend’s professor mom. Turns out she has been recently promoted to a major leadership position at the school. I may have to talk to her at one point, which scares me.

Like I said: why do I keep running into his people? Do you think these random encounters have a deeper meaning or is it just a coincidence and proof that the world is small. I’m leaning toward the latter, especially because I really don’t identify as spiritual and definitely not religious.

HOWEVER, since moving back to my hometown community more than two years ago, ex-friend is the ONLY person from my K-12 years that I’ve ran into, which is how the rekindled “friendship” and our living arrangement started. What’s more, his family are the only relatives of former classmates and longtime peers I have encountered since moving back.

Is the universe trying to mindf*ck me?

Like if I moved back to my hometown there's a one trillion % chance I'd run into every single member of my ex-girlfriend's (admittedly large) family at least once over the course of 2 years. But my hometown is relatively small so this question is important for context.

I will say that the car accident thing *is* pretty crazy, though.

Yeah, I don’t live in a small town.

Seeing my abuser’s alledged abuser at the stop light, staring right at me creeps me out the most.

>Yeah, I don’t live in a small town.
>
>Seeing my abuser’s alledged abuser at the stop light,
>staring right at me creeps me out the most.

Yea all I meant re: the car accident was that it's way way way less likely that you'll get in a damn ACCIDENT with a family member, than it is that you'll see them in passing/end up next to them at a light. But I can fully understand why *that* instance would creep you out the most. That shit's definitely a little eerie, and would register as almost terrifying sitting where you were sitting. Almost like a "are these people following me ?" type of thing. So I totally hear you.

I live in a large metropolitan area with 5 millon people.

I don’t know how big his family is but he grew up with his biological mom, stepfather, a younger brother and a younger sister.

So, I done ran into everyone from his immediate family/childhood household ‘cept his younger sister. I think she lives in Chicago.

Crazy ain’t it?

bounce.
roll out.
be ghost.
get gone.
you still young (from what I gather)
you still have the world at your doorstep
you still have time
you still have freedom
you still have your sanity (I assume)

LMAO. It’s funny because I don’t want to be here. I want to relocate back to NYC or D.C. I haven’t aggressively pursued it because I want to save more money as a cushion. Cost of living is high and I want to be prepared for a potential job loss. I’m in my early 30s. Former journalist working in the Godforsaken field of corporate PR.

and regrets....
find a job in the place you want/need/should be and go to there.

Can't stress enough how much freedom you have at this stage in your life to do whatever the fck you WANT to do.

Stop bullshittin

the only thing you can control is how you perceive and handle them. If God does actually have a plan, then do not think that means it is one for you to ever fully understand.

It sounds to me like these events are charged with a lot of significance for you because you still haven't gotten over the trauma this person put you through. I suggest you look into symptoms of PTSD, which has a way of processing all of your experiences through the lens of that trauma. Otherwise, you will drive yourself mad trying to project these past experiences into what you think the universe is trying to do "for" or "against" you.

.... :-)

shout out to all the other Ms. Hill stans on this board LOL

On a related noted, I must of heard Could You Be Loved by Bob Marley hundreds of times. But I didn't understand what he was really getting at until I head Lauryn sing it. I thought it was just a song about being worthy of someone elses love. But it is also a song about finding your own worth and loving yourself. Listen to the way she oh so subtly transforms the line "Could you be loved?" into "Could you be loved, and then BE LOVE (right now)?" Damn. What does it mean for someone to receive love and then to BE an expression of that love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfXX-yhABYk

Sis. You just made my day :-)

thanks for the video

Thank you. I am considering therapy.

while I’m firm in my “religion”. I had to consider talking about feeling with someone because it was killing me inside.

best wishes :-)

shit could be random coincidences, or a higher power moving chess pieces, who knows. Point is you decide what it means to you, and how you want to move forward.

I like the idea of therapy to help process these things, and figure out what it means to you. It could also help put you in a better frame of mind to plan how you want to deal with it day to day, moving forward.

Good luck and one love.

it’s weird because I still have visions of my ex.
little things reminds me of him
what I learned is that I haven’t dissolved “my” issues with him
the heartbreak
so there’s always reminders
I’m getting better tho lol

I don’t know. Maybe that I need to address the trauma.

What fucks me up is when I go to NYC I usually see someone I went to college with or an old friend.

8 million people and I bump into someone I know damn near every time? That’s crazy to me.

One time I was in Manhattan and coulda sworn my ex was walking in front of me. I crossed the street. Then a few years later I FB stalked her and she lived in N.C. in the traingle. I’m pretty sure if I ever go I will see her.

One other crazy coincidence. I just got in good graces with my wife and we went to Christmas in ATL. I’m looking through an Essence magazine and ole girl from college that my wife doesn’t particularly like because I was dating both at the same time was in Essence magazine as an up and coming visual artist.

I showed my brother and then tucked that shit under the couch.

www.Tupreme.com

No. He became my abuser during the living arrangement. I’ve made poor decisions but I’m not that dumb to move in w/ someone who abused me previously.

He abused you as an adult?


www.Tupreme.com

Yes.

>RE: This is confusing
>He abused you as an adult?
>
>
>>www.Tupreme.com

you have not moved on mentally. your mind is still in lizard brain alert mode.

Do you have a lot of pent-up/ suppressed emotions: fear, anger, anxiety?

I agree, and I do have pent up emotions.

I ask because "why" implies a directed purpose.

I'm not ridiculing your effort to make sense of the circumstances, but I do think it's worth pondering the reason you ascribe a "why" question to this.

I realize you directed your question toward religious/spiritualist OKP's, however I've recently one out of that mindset, so a question like this absolutely piques my interest.

I’m not actually certain there is a “why;” I was just curious to know what the “why” could be, if there is one.

had there not been trauma involved you probably wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary.

This makes a lot of sense and mirrors what others have said. Thanks. ;-)

I say might because I think spirit shows up differently for different people. In the grand scheme none of this means anything but in regards to your life and where you are you might be still focused on the situation or there might be some unresolved issues that you are being called to resolve or at least acknowledge.