Because, despite the reasons behind those moves being valid and justified, my natural inclination is to continue to try to repair/reconcile/revisit.

It's perhaps the one area where I possess a high level of discipline.

The desire to reach out is strong with so many of them. The ability/strength to do this likely comes from my children, because it wasn't until after I had my daughter that I was able to do it with any longevity.

In a sense, that cycle of disappointment that comes from those relationships is something of an addiction. I know the inevitable result, I know that what I hope for and envision is more than they are capable and/or willing to give, but the emotional high that comes in the moment I make contact sometimes feels worth the comedown.

But I don't do it, because I know what that does to me, and how much consistently happier I am when I keep that distance far and wide.

It's also because I understand exactly how that cycle feeds this innate cynicism that I hold toward practically everything, and my kids will eventually reach an age where they can observe that cynicism in action.