as a part of my thing I often walk-with/counsel people who are grieving

this morning at 5 I was on the phone with a lady who just (like 10 minutes earlier) pass away after a very long, hard cancer battle

they had brought her home over the weekend to die after she contracted pneumonia which, due to her compromised system was pretty much a death sentence. basically she *watched* her aunt give away and now she's gone

the whole thing was (and is) hard for her - of course

circle of life? sure. hard nevertheless

past that though...

a sad reality is how many us *us* die leaving a mess behind

its a weird pathology we have, always staring death int he face and feeling the pressure of "us-ness" yet at the same time we REFUSE to do right sometimes

couple generations ago, it was perfectly common to have some kind of burial insurance, or leave your estate in *some* order

not anymore

nowadays, folk have this bizarro pride around NOT making any end-of-life plans

my plea to anyone who bothers to read this is PLEASE

1. know what an advance healthcare directive is {https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/financial-legal/free-printable-advance-directives/} - and fill one out. don't leave people to have to guess what you would want, or have to shoulder the burden of having to decide your fate AND manage their grief over you. that is messed up

2. write down your wishes (who you want to get what, what you want your memorial/funeral to be like, etc). get it notarized and give copies to trustworthy people. if anything changes wash/rinse/repeat.

grief does weird things to people. don't create a powderkeg and then light it on the way out when you can easily HELP them grieve and SHOW your love (or hate if you get down like that).

Folk will tear each other to pieces as a reflexive coping mechanism over petty things. try not to be at the center of that

there's more, but i don't have the strength to keep typing