Later

Me no likey.

.

Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

Tthought I raised her to be grateful and gracious, but she contradicted that this morning. I know they’re a work in progress, but *whew*.

Right now? Their homies are their main influences. You wont see what you taught them until their 20's, when they've shed all that dead weight.

The first time they handle a situation like you would have? Put your feet up and finish your breakfast. But that wont happen until around...22





Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

My friends and I always say we’re gonna look back on these days and laugh. I will hold onto that and what you just said. But this morning, shit was not funny.

the firstborn

apple of my eye

he just flipped on me and turned every second of about 4 years into a constant mexican standoff

the whole house was a hellish emotional hurricane

there were times i didn't know if my marriage would survive

its better now, but truthfully I still haven't recovered fully

for a second my whole steeze went from "pouring into" to "I just gotta survive till he's gone, and not go to prison"

its crazy how someone you love so much can be your greatest source of pain

I know it may happen

I know they won't mean it..

but still, some of these stories scare the shit out of me.

Thats why I STAY telling my folk..

Get out of that ol' "thats how I was raised" BS...IT DOES NOT WORK ANYMORE

We REALLY have to be in tune with the kind of person our kids are...and parent from there.

When they feel like we hate them/dont like them, we gotta check ourselves





Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

it may not happen to you

nothing you can do but your best as a parent, and realize that they have their own minds and create whatever narrative they want in their heads (not necessarily tied to *your* reality/perspective)

no matter how much you love them they tend to do what they do when they are teens. Each is different and it's not legit fear but more like "how will I handle the push back"

my daughter is great at guilt tripping me and she is only 2.

you won;'t know till it happens

and when it does, you may or may not do something different the NEXT time it happens

so.many.variables

since you can't really know *them* the key is to know YOU, and don't lose yourself (or me manipulated) by emotions - yours or otherwise

Like, okay. If I can keep myself calm while talking to a stupid adult, them surely I can do the same with an annoying loved one that I pushed out. I’ve gotten a lot better with not raising my voice, etc. I had to walk away from her because I knew I might’ve laid hands on her. Messing up my Valentine’s Day. She knew she was wrong though, because she left outta here without taking her cell phone.

And how they feel so much entitlement when they bring nothing but bills to the table is beyond me. I thank my parents everyday for putting up with us, lol

do something messed up....ok

but look me dead in my eye then LIE

when we BOTH know its a lie because it isn't even a halfway decent one

and then you double and triple down when I break down how what you just said is some BS (ON TOP OF WHATEVER YOU DID IN THE FIRST PLACE)

*THAT* is the thing that is gonna kill me (or somebody)

This is exactly where the conversation went! Just take your L and move on.

>and then you double and triple down when I break down how what you just said is some BS (ON TOP OF WHATEVER YOU DID IN THE FIRST PLACE)

the same brain-wave patterns as psychopaths.

Go figure..

This 17 year old couldn't understand why no one was trying to hear her going to a party in New Jersey! at the apartment of one of her "friends" brother and it's like 3, 25 year old dudes living there she never met.

That you thought it was cool to go a party an hour away when you have no mode of transportation on your own to hang out with some grown ass men you never met is suffucient evidence you don't have the street smarts to handle a situation like that.

Yet she the one pouting. SMH.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

She came home. Said even though we got off to a rough start, there are kids who died today and parents planning their funeral. She realized how much she had to be grateful for and thought she should come home, hug me and tell me she loved me.

*Stupid onions*

"A simple yes or no"

smh...why does it take days of "soaking", "pondering" or my new favorite "metering" to say "yeah, that'll work" or "nah lil cuz...caint do it"


-Cant wait to get back home this weekend. Oldest daughter turns 27 (!!!!) and I'm taking her to see "The Movie" for her bornday. Didnt realize how much of a "bougie-movie" guy I had become until I was buying tickets, lol.

No recliners? nope
No reserved seating? nope
Recliners not leather? nope
They serving food and stuff like Studio Movie Grill? nope

-Tryna figure out a way to get my job to pay for this Digital Marketing certification I'm trying to get. I'm too old to just say "Oh, I'm in Tech support" when asked about my job. Even though what I do aint even that techy






Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

Reclining sears, only about 30 per room tho. Local beer, food,decent prices...

I waited too late to get the tickets, so we're going to Starlight.

It's one of her favorites...I've never been there.






Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

I already know what I *want* to do this weekend, and have a rough schedule. I like to be flexible with myself, so they are soft plans that may or may not change depending on how I feel.

All that to say that someone asking "are you free on Saturday?" is more complicated than yes/no. I ALWAYS have something to do, I just gotta prioritize. Asking me to do something means I need to place it on my list of priorities, which takes a little time.

Maybe your friends are like that.

(although I didnt make it clear at all, lol)

I was speaking more on business terms. Either you like what I proposed or you dont. Either it's possible or it's not.





Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

I tried to have a serious convo with my youngest about waking up AS SOON as I fall into a good sleep and she smiled and ripped a big fart mid sentence.

Wife has a follow up interview in Savannah and part of us is ready to move from Charlotte. I like this city but I don’t LOVE this place. Another part of us wants to stay and hopes another opportunity presents itself.

I’m just grinding at work and raising these kids but I’m not doing anything for myself. I need to join a gym or some shit just to get out of the house for a few.

Money is tight with daycare. We knew this but still, my wife is frustrated and mad we can’t save money but the math told us we wouldn’t save money. Just trying to get through the next few months even though it’s stressful.

I’m looking at plotters and trying to find one that’s affordable but also does what I need it to do. I don’t want to go too cheap or too small. Need to make a decision by the end of the week and pull the trigger.

might help you burn off summa that stress.

it's also a good place to brainstorm.

if you cant do shit else for yourself right now, trust me, the gym will help you feel better. set some goals and spend a little time working towards them. I was never the working out type dude until about 2 years ago. now, I need that shit routinely or I feel like shit.

i'm in a similar space, financially. two kids - one in daycare, other in private school. Paying 2 mortgages currently bc my tenant in my rental was evicted. SMH. our funds are tight like shit. since I can't treat myself to the new J's dropping tomorrow, or going out for drinks with the fellas, I rely on the gym to get my mind off that shit and to have some me time. it really helps.

and I had to tell myself that it is ok to dislike a five-year old.

this mf is rude and obnoxious. He can't keep his hands to himself. He's always talking back to adults and mocking people. I really don't like his ass.

My gym has a daycare center. Some evenings, I would take my kids (they are 9 and 3) and he would be there bc my cousin would be at the gym also. It's gotten to the point where my wife doesn't even want me taking the kids if we know he's going to be there. This mofo likes kicking and wrestling and shit. My daughter doesn't even like playing with him. My son (he's 3), he enjoys the rough play, but I don't like that mofo putting his hands on my son. He's too damn rough.

The owner of the bar has a son who was prolly 8 at the time. They walk in and the kid doesn’t speak or look up from is video game when the bartender says hello to him

He turns to me and says “I know you aren’t supposed to not like kids but... I.DONT.LIKE.THAT.KID.”

I don't know what his issue is. Him not being able to keep his hands to himself is an issue with me. keep your hands off my fucking kids yo, yall are cousins! Shit, this nigga wanna be wrestling and trying to trip people and shit all the time.

I dislike everything about him, from his little chiclet teeth to the jeans his mother buys him 2 sizes too big so he can grow into them.

and he's always mocking people, especially adults, but I can hardly understand what he's saying when he's talking anyway. I told my cousin to get his hearing checked out.
I hope he outgrows all that shit.

Type of hate I had for the kid who hit my daughter at daycare.

I’m still looking for that lil nigga. Haven’t seen him since. Prolly doing time or got kicked out.

is NOT out of the question....



"Get ready....for your blessing....."

my daughter (she's 9) spends her entire Saturday at her dance school.

there's one little girl in her classes and I don't like her ass either. she has a smart mouth and she walks around the dance school like she owns the place. she claims the school director is her aunt, but that's not true.

It’s not hitting tho... it’s that mean girl shit.

I feel y’all tho...

I don’t like any kids who aren’t nice to my daughter. Little buster ass kids rolling in packs at 2 years old at story time.

of them and their ways. so mouthy, sassy and shit.
i'm so glad my daughter isn't like that. it brings me joy to see the type of kid that she is. i'm curious to see how my son is at her age, bc right now he's off the chain.

I like to pee outside in the cold more than the average person. If im coming home in the evening and have to pee I will go to the back of my house instead of going inside to the bathroom just because. Something about taking a piss in the cold feels better to me.

as a part of my thing I often walk-with/counsel people who are grieving

this morning at 5 I was on the phone with a lady who just (like 10 minutes earlier) pass away after a very long, hard cancer battle

they had brought her home over the weekend to die after she contracted pneumonia which, due to her compromised system was pretty much a death sentence. basically she *watched* her aunt give away and now she's gone

the whole thing was (and is) hard for her - of course

circle of life? sure. hard nevertheless

past that though...

a sad reality is how many us *us* die leaving a mess behind

its a weird pathology we have, always staring death int he face and feeling the pressure of "us-ness" yet at the same time we REFUSE to do right sometimes

couple generations ago, it was perfectly common to have some kind of burial insurance, or leave your estate in *some* order

not anymore

nowadays, folk have this bizarro pride around NOT making any end-of-life plans

my plea to anyone who bothers to read this is PLEASE

1. know what an advance healthcare directive is {https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/financial-legal/free-printable-advance-directives/} - and fill one out. don't leave people to have to guess what you would want, or have to shoulder the burden of having to decide your fate AND manage their grief over you. that is messed up

2. write down your wishes (who you want to get what, what you want your memorial/funeral to be like, etc). get it notarized and give copies to trustworthy people. if anything changes wash/rinse/repeat.

grief does weird things to people. don't create a powderkeg and then light it on the way out when you can easily HELP them grieve and SHOW your love (or hate if you get down like that).

Folk will tear each other to pieces as a reflexive coping mechanism over petty things. try not to be at the center of that

there's more, but i don't have the strength to keep typing

We learned this the hard way when my mom passed unexpectedly with no will ... Had a 3 yr back-n-forth with the county just to secure a deed for the house she left us. Everything was so emotionally and mentally taxing.

My dad handled his will immediately after. Should he pass, all we have to do is go open up the safe and call the legal office

and they grow hella long

I think it's cheap and lazy

sorry, not sorry.

i guess there's no better way to get attention that taking yoru clothes off

even if your deal is about exploitation

irony then, i guess *shrug*

only better way is to damn near kill yourself (cut/shoot yourself, set yourself on fire)

in either case it's rarely for more than a momentary leveraging of peoples need to gawk and be titillated

we are weird that way

but it just seems counter productive.

so and so shows the bodyshamers up in this low cut dress. so and so strips naked to tell people they are more than a pretty face and nice body.

huh? what?

my dose of what you are speaking of

earlier I saw the story about how one of the women raped by the gymnastics doctor is gonna be in the swimsuit issue

naked, with "survivor" written on her body

oh. ok then.

I kept it in confession for obvious reasons...

Rapsody had a challenge on her IG asking folks to tell why you’re sassy. I wanted to participate but I’m not on IG like that. OKP is home so.... I’m sassy because...

I am ruled by my emotions. I need to feel you in order to react to you. while my speech is slow, I’m still a great conversationalist. People tend to gravitate toward me because I have a smile that will light up a room. I have a keen eye for spotting discrepancies, yet; I’m honest and fair...I am a reasonable woman. Being a good listener means I’ll provide good gifts and hugs that comfort souls. Ooh wee, don’t get me bragging on my family. While poor and less educated we are functional and supportive....that makes me well rounded and why I’m so damn sassy....

We're about five months in and it's going well.

She sorta made a playful comment about living together, but I told her at the start, that's not happening. I just don't believe in living with someone until you're at least engaged or somewhere in that phase. Not that much of a prob there.

But she told me her psychic told her that I'm "the one". Last I looked I didn't wear leather, flying around the Matrix. It doesn't bother me, but putting stock in that sorta does. Like what you think a psychic gonna tell you?

"you gonna fuck that nigga for like six months and get tired of him..."

"that nigga gonna ruin your credit under the guise of slangin' good D"

"Girrrrrrrrl, you saw Waiting to Exhale, right?"

Like I think it's a scam most times. Anyways I'm rolling with it. It's also my first interracial relationship. No problems so far, but I had to really assert my blackness at the start as I told her I'm not really interested in being anyone's fetish.
______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

>she told me her psychic told her....

This gonna be good.

You think the psychic knew you were Black?

>This gonna be good.
>
>You think the psychic knew you were Black?

How good of a psychic could they be if they didn't know????

______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

I don’t care if you are or not but if you win the lottery I’m going to try to believe you.

Sage? Crystals?

______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

Let your third heart eye be open.

post drops we can come back to this"


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

can't remember the title

you must exit or something

Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/L3HwLyRIz5w/maxresdefault.jpg

At least the lease and utilities. If you do that and things go left then at least you'll have an easy breakup where you both eventually.

If y'all are both on it the prepare to be homeless and broke if things go left.

and how they would bring dates over and still be roommates.

Fuuuck that.

That’s how someone ends up getting stabbed

>and how they would bring dates over and still be roommates.
>
>Fuuuck that.
>
>That’s how someone ends up getting stabbed
>
>
like listening to your exe getting their back blown out in the next room and hearing her head hitting the headboard is cool with ngas?

Man look...not on my mf watch.

One of those things where a dude at work is “dating” a girl who has a male roommate.

once you pressed them the truth would come out.

...an open relationship (this was kinda post-split tho, so it seemed like we'd basically be roommates. i think she just wanted me to split bills with her for a while). On the surface, it made a little sense... I could save up some bread for a few months for a deposit on my own spot. I ran a few scenarios through my head and visualized seeing some dude's used condoms in the bathroom trash tho (and that was a tame vision, lol). Said "nah, fuck it... rather be 'homeless' for a bit." and started packing my shit up for storage.

commercial. I'm sure there was an OK-crotchety post about it, but I must have missed it.

Selfies = Self Empowerment?

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

i try to stay disciplined but sometimes man..

i want that grease.

"i know you dont want that wackass salad you brought. come to the barbecue factory w/ me"

*looks at plate* "aight BK lets go"

then that usually leads into a convo about how i eat like shit but still have visible abs and i workout a ton.

dude would hit me on the IM 'lunch?"

i'd be like 'man I brought my lunch'

he'd be like 'meet me in the parking lot at 1200 hrs"

brother NEVER brought his lunch to work.

so im avoiding replying on some posts :|

yay my co-worker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GUc4FewMjk

Makes me laugh.

I dont know what it is, but I cnat get myself to be productive. Its finally catching up to me with my boss. I feel guilty about it and know I should be doing more, but I cant shake the funk and just end up unproductive--surfing the web, doing family shit, or anything else except work.

Its getting a bit frustrating --again --- because I know better and I know I could be doing better.