Blah

So at my kids school they are having a diversity day. I went last year and they have all these classrooms decked out in different themes from all over the world. Their is like a japanese culture room. New Orleans Creole Culture. Irish Folk Music room.

It wasn't what I had in mind when I went to the first diversity group meeting but whatever.

Anyway I wasn't even planning on taking the boys this year and one of the black parents asked us to help with this years diversity day by taking a shift at the African Drums room and watch the kids and help them bang on drums.

I can't. I don't like reducing the diversity initiative to a halloween-like round robin of exotic cultures and I don't know shit about drumming here or in Africa.

I'd had been offended if a white person had asked me to do it.

Am I wrong though?

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

It's like being asked to bring chicken to a white cookout.

I'd probly do it though. For the kids.

No one can judge you for passing on it tho.

Tough call man. Can't win for losing.

I actually wouldn't mind it if the event was world day and it was kids from representing their respective culture and home practices. But even that seems a deflection to me.


I went to the first meeting of the diversity committee and they were planning some sort of hip-hop dance show. I just wasn't interesed in that.

I just have a different idea when it comes to what a diversity initiative at these kids school should look like. Which is mainly bringing in more diverse kids. Not making individual kids of underrepresented cultures "Perform" their culture for the other kids and hope they appreciate it.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

My wife can teach ballet, jazz, modern but African dance? Nope... not her thing.

I got soul but I don’t know how to make all those sounds with an African Drum.

but it doesn’t sound that serious. I would try it.

On week three of my health change
Week 1 started solely with cutting carbs and calories. 1500 a day is my limit
Week 2 added weight lifting to my mornings using the 5 x 5 app
Week 3 I've added some core work to after the weight lifting
Next week I wanna add some back work
Then when the weather gets better I'll add some running and biking

All in all I'm feeling progressively better. I'm still probably 35 more pounds than my body wants, but the weight lifting has me not losing weight as quickly. But I'm looking so much better. And that look is changing how I feel about myself.

I'd forgotten how it was to be skinny or at least slim. The weight gain was so sudden (I got sick and the medicine they put me on caused me to gain about 60 lbs in two months) and I've never made real progress towards being skinny again. I did once get close, but it wasn't something I managed to sustain or had a real plan to.

But back to how I feel about myself. It's the little things. Part of the reason I wear glasses every day is because of how it makes my face look a little slimmer, I'm looking forward to wearing contacts on occasions. I don't think I've been swimming in at least five years because I haven't wanted to take my shirt off. And I know for certain it's affected my sex life, because when I don't feel great about me I don't want to take my clothes off.

So I'm looking forward to these changes. Feeling more me again. At least a me that I remember. It's been a LONG road to recovery, a LONG road to stability. And I'm proud of myself for putting in the work.

I know this is what ruins most marriages and I can't let it ruin mine. It's the only thing standing in the way of our happiness.

SO.MANY.BILLS.

besides that everything is good. These kids stay coming home sick from daycare tho. We are over it. I almost cursed out my 7 month old but it ain't her fault. But dammit, seems like as soon as we lay our heads down to rest she kicks into high gear.

you using the wonder weeks app? it might clear up some stuff

at 5 months we're at a point where some days hes getting a full 12 hour night

and other nights its start and stop over a 12 hour period

wife has him on a tight nap schedule which cleared up a lot of things

the biggest mind fuck fact is realizing that sleep is a skill and its essential for survival - its like the first building block of becoming a person and babies just do not have that skill down. its weird

I think part of the problem is the first baby went in her crib at 3 months and slept all night.

This new girl tho.. she is all the way live. She was cool but now that we no longer swaddle she isn't sleeping thru the night.

we're off it and now we go with sleep sacks

and then settle back in to sleeping all night.
Hang in there!

Our 5 year old just starting sleeping past 6am (and will go as late as 7:30) finally....but of course, now the 1 year old is on the 5:45 - 6:00am wake up cycle no matter what :(

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

fight sleep and then wake up early ready to go and be mad cranky.

I almost lost it the other night.

Wife came home after they were finally down and was talking and I was looking at her like STFUUUUUUP

I just wanted silence.

Each time was due to circumstances I didn't cause but still had to deal with.
I'm tired of it. How can I get anywhere if I keep getting dropkicked back to the starting line?


I'm trying to just really start from scratch this time though, and go through it with a new way of living.
Things only seem to go well, or rather it's easier to stay the course despite obstacles,
when I live life with intent instead of just enduring each day.
Gotta admit, enduring is a struggle right now. But I'll be damned if THIS is it.
If life is going to be a bitch like this, I'd rather go out like Cleo from Set It Off than just quietly give up. lol.

Security is nice and all..but damn...I really would like to be a bigger inspiration to my kids in that regard...




"Get ready....for your blessing....."

my son and I started a home design business not long ago. financially, it has not been easy...I’m late paying bills and even my rent. because how commercial clients pay us. I take great pride in having excellent credit so paying bills late became a stressor.

this is my son’s dream and I believe in him because he’s incredible at his craft. The road has been rocky but things are starting to pick up. work is coming quickly and we need to hire folks now. We’re meeting with an interior designer next week.

It’s definitely not a decision to make lightly.

good stuff.

well, I've been in business officially since 2015....but I've kept my client list and project load fairly small... no more than 7-10 projects per year and no more than 3 concurrently. Last year I let it get away from me a tad....not necessarily a BAD thing...but now that it's tax season i'm kicking myself for not staying on top of the income and keeping it below the threshold i'd set in order to minimize the hit.
On the flip side...that gave me a taste of the potential. But at 41 years old...i'm a little risk averse having been in the industry for nearly 20 years now and seeing how the wave flows.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

I think I messed up. I didn’t understand taxation {still really don’t lol} at the time. Since my son is an unmarried father we set it up as a LLC with sole proprietorship under me. We may adjust it After we see how 2017 filing goes.

the MRI for my lil homie came back normal. nothing odd with his brain.

this is a huge relief. still have to figure out the headaches and spasms, but I'm happier without the worry of tumors.

the spasms seem to be dialing down. hasn't happpened but once this week. the headaches are still happening, but even those are not as frequent.

thanks to everyone that put in a word.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

for our little homie :-)

God Bless, fam!

>the MRI for my lil homie came back normal. nothing odd with
>his brain.
>
>this is a huge relief. still have to figure out the headaches
>and spasms, but I'm happier without the worry of tumors.
>
>the spasms seem to be dialing down. hasn't happpened but once
>this week. the headaches are still happening, but even those
>are not as frequent.
>
>thanks to everyone that put in a word.

i'm doing a fat camp lightweight

i mean it's not a camp

but it's a medically supervised meal replacement (read: no food) weight loss program w weekly mtgs

ppl are hella judgy

and i dont know if i can all the way blame them

like, of course it's a thousand other ways to approach losing weight. but i'm doing this shit - so what? why can't i chose this as my approach?

i mean i guess i know why:

it's expensive
it works 100% of the time in the short term, but lots of folks fail in the long term
it's overkill maybe in terms of impact to my day to day lifestyle
the meal replacements themselves are lightweight toxic lmao smh
it's not exactly a good look if i cared abt that kinda shit

but to me none of those things are that important imo weighted against what i stand to gain

what i'm up against is how much i dislike these mtgs, and being part of the group. that shit is lightweight killing me it's a real downer

anyway i dont intend to bam this place up w updates on my 'weight loss journey' and i'm gonna do what i want despite any haters so i'm not complaining. but of course it would be sweeter if the very small group of ppl in my life that know abt this could chill w their judgments and just be neutral to supportive. i guess i am complaining haha

So much good news in one day.

good luck.

I know I am pretty bad in posts, but I try to read the title two times before posting.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Mood been up and down due to so many changes this past January.
Car problems, building I've lived in 7 years being sold, my
neighborhood becoming unrecognizable due to rapid gentrification.
New wack manager where I spin. Sales on my side biz way down last
month. Just been standing tall and working out the comeback.

They're both really wonderful & eventually I'm going to have to choose
lol.

With every thing going on I was apprehensive about booking a flight to
Cali, but the closer it gets the more glad I am that I did it. I need
the good weather and energy for sure!

Launching a label on the tightest budget ever lol. But hey, if not now
then when? lol.

Last year was the best year of my life and really set the foundation
for what I'm about to do.

This cat out of the scene got signed to Def Jam recently and his
story really inspired me. He had a vision, put a team together &
didn't compromise his sound or message.