You have broken the cycle. You are a different person than you were 9 years ago. You committed to something that you would have never imagined doing before and believed in it. You had the capacity to build a wonderful family and life. You still have beautiful children that you are devoted to and a relationship with their mother. You've written all the things you know -- you have all the tools your need, the people you need around you to get through this and you will. If you need to go to therapy too, you will figure that out as well. You believed in the promise of love and family even when all of your past experiences may have told you not to. When you make it through the difficult part, you will be left with so much of the beauty in life of the family you created as the foundation for all that comes next. I wish you all the strength and support in the world to make it through.