For all the times I disrespected women. From this point forward i will be a better man.

Hearing some of these stories about Harvey Weinstein has hit me. I have done some foul stuff.

***
I ain't lyin. This shit i'm making up is true...

This was when i was younger and wilder... no they are not in my life and I wouldnt know how to reach any of them...

th details dont matter it was disrespect from the slightest to the most...

There is one incident that regret the most. it involved a girl that was clearly drunk and taken advantage of ...

cuz, you giving me the impression that this ain't about disrespect. clearly drunk and taken advantage of is waaaay past disrespect.


***
I ain't lyin. This shit i'm making up is true...

Rape

let's call it what it is
(at least from the one sentence you typed)
the fact that some only see this as disrespectful behavior is disturbing
we (society) only seem to acknowledge extreme acts of violence towards woman bc everything else is normalized and par for the course in how women should be treated

not even on some dogpile shit, gotta call it straight like that.

It's funny too because earlier in life I knew him in passing, he was like the best college friend of my best HS friend. My only impression of him was that this guy gets a ton of ass, he was a yoga instructor and triathlete and despite being kind of an average looking guy he fucked tons of hot college girls.

But more recently I've gotten to know him as he went through a mellowing phase and then got married. I wouldn't say he was a total scumfuck but he was definitely kind of greasy, more than I suspected.

He was considering a sort of amends process and the #MeToo thing--a really poignant and effective campaign despite (or perhaps because of) its loose organization--got him to finally do it.

Occasionally he posts responses with permission and anonymity and they are pretty eye-opening. Most women are not bitter or resentful, but they all remember what happened as if it never really left the fore of their mind. Most appreciate him reaching out and try to say they understood he had some positive energy but that shit that made them uncomfortable created a distance between them and this dude.

I think it's a great idea. Personally I don't have too many regrets about this and if I did I already resolved them (can think of a couple cases where I went back and apologized maybe a year after the fact). But I bet a lot of other dudes who were less conscientious, especially in their youth, could have a mutual building experience, gain some perspective and enrich their humility from this process.

people may forget what you said but, never how you made them feel ?

So true.

One of the reasons I left my lover. Couldn’t carry that weight.

we need excruciating detail of how you disrespected women and how you plan to make it right for each one of them. or else youre still cishet rape culture enabling scum and kill yourself.

I made my lover apologize thru text because I didn’t want to hear it in face to face. He said it was wack but, I didn’t care...

most I can do is ask for forgiveness or apologize..

This is like when a crackhead tells Judge Mathis he's been clean for 3 weeks and Judge Mathis snaps "Well you still gotta pay for all the damage you did while you were on crack, you crackehad!!"

about a decade or more ago I was having some similar thoughts about my past with a few different women... imagine my relief when I did reach out to them and apologize and they told me it was not as bad as I imagined it was... not saying this will be your experience as we are talking specifically about mine and theirs but I was glad to clear the air and realize I wasn't half as bad as I thought I might've been... the thought of the pain I may have caused was awful nobody deserves poor treatment.

people deserve the honor and respect of your best hindsight failing your ability to give it in the moments past.

like. I ran into an old lover from back in the day
way back.
he treated me the absolute worse
physically and mentally
it had been a good 20 years since our paths crossed
it was only when I reminded him of my name that he remembered who I was
the first thing he said was “I’m sorry”
I played it cool while stand there
but I cried when I got back to the car...

I also know I'm pretty sensitive and never did anything that was really foul.. I pressured some and maybe got frustrated but never crossed the physical line or drew stuff out.. the worst stuff I did was more along the lines of losing interest after the fact or not saying no myself when I wasn't really into it. but your right it's hard to know for sure because folks will represent something when they really feel something else. but I'm glad I took and gave the opportunity to resolve these things.

Because that's what dude is hinting at it seems.

I’ve never been sexually assaulted but don’t the guy usually deny it? I wanna believe the denial is what’s painful

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

He can clear that shit up himself. You don't leave it murky unless you're trying to gauge reactions.
Fuck and no.
Nah.
I've had multiple friends that have been drunk and taken advantage of or sober and taken advantage of. It's bullshit.

The men don't have to be overall monsters to do monster acts and the women don't have to be irresistible to be preyed upon.

i ask because...

let's say she was drunk...
he was drunk...

they did something

next day...she says nothing...he says nothing...
they still 'cool' and communicate and don't have any issues

does that negate the fact that he 'taken advantage of' her and the situation?

or is the above scenario defined as rape since she could not give consent despite the fact that she did not object/take issue with/didn't mind/wanted to ?

Dudes spent half a decade checking themselves in real time on some "no homo" shit. Like you know when you're saying some suspect ass shit. So I'm not willing to give a dude the benefit of the doubt when he doesn't clear up clearly drunk and taken advantage of immediately.

Real running around thinking he was raped and ole girl was like “huh? You good.. but the sex was wack”

Am I to understand from the episode that Rell was too drunk to remember the sex
Or questioning the consent because they were both drunk?

expressly received consent.

I've been black out drunk many many times. Never once worried if I might've raped someone

if you don't get consent and have sex with someone while drunk they can wake up tomorrow and say you took advantage.

I have NEEEEVVVVERRRRR taken some booty. Never needed too. But I've been drunk with a date who was also drunk and we had sex. If she woke up and said I took advantage what's my defense?

and like I shared before. I had a female friend who got drunk with a friend of ours and they had sex and the next day he said she took advantage of him. Dude used to get black out drunk. Knowing her back then I could definitely see her initiating sex. She laughed at dude and thought he was joking but then said he was dead ass serious.

He was a big dude and she was much smaller than him. But still, how does that play out if he goes to authorities?

>if you don't get consent and have sex with someone while
>drunk they can wake up tomorrow and say you took advantage.
>
>I have NEEEEVVVVERRRRR taken some booty. Never needed too. But
>I've been drunk with a date who was also drunk and we had sex.
>If she woke up and said I took advantage what's my defense?
>

This. This is your defense. The truth. If she lies she lies. And the truth won't always save you. But the truth wouldn't save you if you were both sober either.


>and like I shared before. I had a female friend who got drunk
>with a friend of ours and they had sex and the next day he
>said she took advantage of him. Dude used to get black out
>drunk. Knowing her back then I could definitely see her
>initiating sex. She laughed at dude and thought he was joking
>but then said he was dead ass serious.
>
>He was a big dude and she was much smaller than him. But
>still, how does that play out if he goes to authorities?


In our legal system? Not well. But not everything is about legality. He needs to find other avenues of support and maybe confronting his "aggressor" that early in the process of healing wasn't the best manner.

sure that no woman walking God's green earth would EVER come out and say that i did the 'r' word to them b4...i 'physically' (hell and mentally and whatever else) couldn't be with a girl that didn't want to

but i just admitted below that i have taken advantage of

meaning....alcohol was consumed...inhibitions were lowered...yet everything mutual and ok...and woulda happened regardless but there was an initial means to an ends

but according to the law...idk what's ok and not to be completely honest

>but according to the law...idk what's ok and not to be
>completely honest


not directed at you, but it's not just according to the law tho
from all of the discourse online and irl
im seeing that most people do not truly understand consent

cause back in my days if I went in for a kiss and she kissed me back.. and then I made moves and she responded positively to them I would consider it consent.

Do you have to verbally get the OK?

what is?

especially back in college when everyone would party and get drunk and hook up.

Did you purposely lower her inhibitions?
Otherwise that's not the same as taking advantage of someone really

You out here giving someone double shots and throwing one over your shoulder?
You out here lying to them about what drinks you giving them?
What things are you doing to influence the other persons actions. That's the root of consent.

The question is did you get her intoxicated without her knowledge (switch drinks, roofie) or did she become TOO drunk to give consent?

If it doesn't involve any of that than there is nothing wrong with two drunk people hooking up.



>Did you purposely lower her inhibitions?
>Otherwise that's not the same as taking advantage of someone
>really
>


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Because purposely getting someone drunk to lower their inhibitions is definitely a moral standard of violating consent, regardless of what the law says.

If you do it to someone without them knowing yeah. Or if they are young. Or if it's a professional setting and your plotting to switch up the professional talk to sex talk like Harvey plotted to do with women.

But if we are on a date and I encourage you to get a drink?

I mean the main reason people drink on a date or period is to lower inhibition.

So I don't know about that blanket moral rule.


>Because purposely getting someone drunk to lower their
>inhibitions is definitely a moral standard of violating
>consent, regardless of what the law says.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I don't know if we're playing semantics right now or just not genuinely seeing what the other is saying.

If we are drinking and we get drunk, we're out for drinks

If we go out an I'm buying you drinks at pace that I'm not going at, or a pace that you're not able to handle, I'm getting you drunk.


Men do that shit to men. It's really not that hard to understand. Bill from accounting gets laid off, I tell him I'm gonna get him fucked up and order beers and shots ... I got Bill drunk

Bill from accounting says it's taco Tuesday and we go to the bar and have tequilas, me and bill went out drinking.

>>Men do that shit to men. It's really not that hard to understand. Bill from accounting gets laid off, I tell him I'm gonna get him fucked up and order beers and shots ... I got Bill drunk



so what is the difference in you and Bill getting drinks and getting bill drunk? because you paid/ordered?

If you have a son or daughter, I hope you are not teaching them that they are not responsible for their drinking if someone else is serving or buying or insisting that they drink.

I can see what you are saying if you are talking to a novice drinker (e.g., young person or mormon) or if you mislead someone (e.g., this punch isn't that strong). And I'm not talking about a boss coercing a subordinate to drink.

But dawg you a grown ass man. Bob from Accounting can't MAKE me drink anything I don't want to drink.


Two grown ass people on a date who have experience with drinking can't later say oh I am not responsible for what I drank because he kept offering and I kept accepting. Come on man.



>I don't know if we're playing semantics right now or just not
>genuinely seeing what the other is saying.
>
>If we are drinking and we get drunk, we're out for drinks
>
>If we go out an I'm buying you drinks at pace that I'm not
>going at, or a pace that you're not able to handle, I'm
>getting you drunk.
>
>
>Men do that shit to men. It's really not that hard to
>understand. Bill from accounting gets laid off, I tell him I'm
>gonna get him fucked up and order beers and shots ... I got
>Bill drunk
>
>Bill from accounting says it's taco Tuesday and we go to the
>bar and have tequilas, me and bill went out drinking.
>


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

This whole thing started off with another person being too drunk and taken advantage of. I spent reply after reply expanding upon what taking advantage of would look like and how one could / would get there.

You're someone reading my actions as addressing that of the victims.

Cool man.

i wouldn't even know where to get a roofy or anything remotely like that and i damn sure wouldn't use it


but of course i've gone into situations hoping that a girl
'lowered her inhibitions'
and alchohol was involved...and she/they of course drank on their own...i just bought it ...i NEVER did no shit like Telly from the movie Kids


and how many drinks determines what can be consent?
what level of intoxication is it to be determined that one can no longer say 'yeah or nay'?


and i'm just spitballing here...i legit don't know

drink my damn self lol

no

it was normal... like legs said...college type shit

let's say it's a sat night

i hit the bar...
hit the phone... do the whole 'hey...can i come over?' thing
come thru
both drink...get drunk
do the do
dip
wash rinse repeat

again...because SHE was drinking...does that mean that she was able to consent?

The person that gave them the drinks then babysits theirs, while continuing to imply the same level of drinking their encouraging the other person to.
There are entire strategies to this. Mostly it's getting a woman drunk enough to be open to something but not so drunk that they black out.
Many men don't care about the black out ... Bill Cosby, the Steubenville high schoolers.
Many men know what they're doing is wrong so they imply that they were so drunk too, hence the misleading with their own drinking while monitoring another's
Many men don't know when no means no or choose to progressively ignore nos.

That's mostly what college shit looks like. Black out drunk and passive date rape.

Hook up culture of alcohol and sex that have been going on since fermentation was invented is not the same.

this what happened w/ Nate Parker, Jameis n em?

>>Hook up culture of alcohol and sex that have been going on since fermentation was invented is not the same.

but then i read this and....

Gabrielle Union, a rape victim and one of the main stars of The Birth of a Nation, wrote in the Los Angeles Times, "As important and ground-breaking as this film is, I cannot take these allegations lightly. On that night, 17-odd years ago, did Nate have his date’s consent? It’s very possible he thought he did. Yet by his own admission he did not have verbal affirmation; and even if she never said “no,” silence certainly does not equal “yes.” Although it’s often difficult to read and understand body language, the fact that some individuals interpret the absence of a “no” as a “yes” is problematic at least, criminal at worst."

idk

WHAT WE KNOW

Mr. Parker was accused in 1999 of raping a fellow student at Penn State. The victim, whose name is not public, said that Mr. Parker and his roommate, Mr. Celestin, raped her while she was intoxicated and unconscious, according to court documents, and that they later harassed, intimidated and stalked her after she pressed charges. Both men said that the sex was consensual.

Mr. Parker, who, according to court transcripts, had had consensual oral sex with the woman previously, was acquitted of the charges. Mr. Celestin, who received a “story by” credit on “The Birth of a Nation,” was convicted of sexual assault, but his case was appealed. There are conflicting accounts about the outcome.

The woman, under the name Jane Doe, then sued Penn State for failing to protect her from harassment; the case was settled for $17,500. According to court records, the victim had twice attempted suicide after the alleged rape. According to a court document, as a result of the harassment, the accuser “suffered severe depression, sleeplessness, and anxiety attacks.” She also said that her apartment had been broken into and that her files on the case had been “disturbed.”

On Tuesday, it emerged that the woman killed herself in 2012, overdosing on sleeping pills, according to Variety’s interview with her brother.

August 19, 1999
After meeting through a mutual friend earlier in the summer, Parker, then a sophomore, and the 18-year-old Penn State freshman we’ll call Jane Doe hang out at her dorm room. Parker tries to have sex with her but she refuses, saying she doesn’t know him well enough. She performs oral sex on him instead. As Doe later testifies, “I didn’t want to have sex but I didn’t want to leave it at nothing.”

August 20, 1999
Doe waits for Parker for a date at a bar near campus. Parker is late, and Doe accepts drinks from a construction worker and from a student named Rugigana Kavamahanga while waiting for him to arrive. Later, in court, lawyers raise the possibility that the combination of the alcohol and Doe’s prescribed Prozac caused her to black out.

August 21, 1999
Parker arrives at the bar around midnight, and he and Doe join a small group leaving for Kavamahanga’s apartment. According to Doe, at around 1 a.m., Parker invites her back to his apartment to sleep. A friend later claims she “wasn’t really making that much sense” and “was talking very loud,” while Kavamahanga says she was “coherent but noticeably drunk.” Another friend later testifies that Parker told her Jane Doe was “extremely intoxicated.” Parker later disputes this, saying Doe “didn’t drink around me and sure didn’t seem drunk that night.”

Once Doe enters the apartment, accounts continue to diverge. Doe claims she fell asleep quickly, and then woke up to find Parker and Celestin, his roommate, having sex with her: “I just remember opening my eyes and seeing Nate having intercourse with me. It was just a split second. And then awake again and … somebody just on top of me other than Nate.” In his statement to police, Celestin claims that Doe pulled him by the hand into Parker’s room, began having sex with Parker, and gestured for him to join. Parker, too, maintains the sex was consensual. Kavamahanga later testifies that Parker told him he and Celestin had “run a train on” Doe.

However, another student named Tamerlane Kangas, who had driven Parker and Doe to the apartment, later testifies that he and Celestin had both been outside Parker’s room watching him have sex with Doe. “There was a smirk on his face, because he caught us watching him,” Kangas says, “and so that’s when he motioned for us to come in.” He claims he told Celestin, “You don’t want to go inside the room,” and left after Celestin ignored him and started to have sex with Doe. “I figured that was there for Nate and not, you know, Nate and Jean,” he says. (During the trial, defense lawyers argue Kangas’s testimony was influenced by police threats to charge him alongside Parker and Celestin.)

The next morning, Doe claims, she wakes to find Parker having sex with her again. Parker later claims this too was consensual: “She was awake and did not show any signs of discomfort.” After leaving the apartment, Doe says, she spends the day in “the worst pain I have ever felt in my life … I couldn’t walk.”

September 7, 1999
Doe meets with Dr. Anna Shallcross, telling the doctor she has been sexually assaulted. Shallcross later testifies that Doe’s cervix showed signs of inflammation “from infection or some type of trauma.”

Mid-September, 1999
Doe calls Parker, secretly recording the conversation. (Pennsylvania’s two-party consent law makes such a recording illegal.) She presses him to tell her who else she had sex with that night. “I remember waking up and seeing somebody else fucking on top of me and me asking where you were,” she tells him. “You are so full of shit,” he says, denying that anyone else had had sex with her.

Soon after, Parker and Celestin seek guidance from two wrestling team mentors, Brian Favors and Kerry McCoy. Parker says that, “For some reason she says she doesn’t remember the evening,” McCoy later recalls. Both men allegedly tell Parker and Celestin to be “nice” to Doe and find out what she wants. According to a statement from Parker, McCoy tells him, “These things come up from time to time with girls who feel guilty about what they did before, or may even find themselves pregnant with a multiracial child and rejected by their parents.”

October 13, 1999
After receiving counseling from the university, Doe reports the alleged assault to State College police.

Around this time, Doe calls Parker again. This time the call is recorded by the police, who have a warrant. She tells him her period is late, and again asks him how many people she had sex with in his apartment. “I didn’t want to have sex with you that night,” she says. “I was so out of it, my whole body was numb, I couldn’t do anything about it.” This time, Parker identifies Celestin as the other man, but continues to dispute her account of the evening: “You were all for it … It’d be different if you were just laying there, but you weren’t. You were active.” Doe asks to speak to Celestin so he can apologize to her; Celestin takes the phone and tells her, “I really don’t know what I’m apologizing for, but … if anything offended you, and you got hurt, I’m sorry.”

October 18, 1999
Parker and Celestin give interviews with the police maintaining that Doe was not drunk and the sex was consensual. Parker later claims that in his interrogation detective Chris Weaver “went into a rage,” telling him the Penn State wrestling team had “raped and battered the whole town.”

October 21, 1999
The two men are arrested and charged with rape, involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, sexual assault and indecent assault, which prompts their suspension from the wrestling team. Parker posts $25,000 bail, on the condition that he have “absolutely no contact” with Doe. Doe later says that the two men began an “organized campaign” of harassment against her after their arrests.

October 27, 1999
According to Doe, Parker shows up in the common area of her dorm at night, violating the terms of his bail.

October 28, 1999
Doe reports the alleged harassment to Penn State.

October 29, 1999
According to Doe’s subsequent lawsuit, university administrator Joseph Puzycki instructs Parker and Celestin not to have any contact with Doe, and vice versa. He reportedly warns them that a failure to comply could lead to their expulsion.

November 8, 1999
Doe sends another statement to the university complaining that the harassment — which she claims includes Parker and his friends following her around campus shouting “sexual epithets,” calling her incessantly, and hiring a private eye to put photos of her around campus — has intensified. She also files a formal complaint with the school’s Office of Judicial Affairs.

November 17, 1999
According to a later complaint, Doe attempts to commit suicide. She subsequently meets with Puzycki about the alleged harassment, but says he refuses to discipline Parker or Celestin.

November 23, 1999
According to the complaint, Doe attempts suicide again.

November 25, 1999
Doe writes another letter to Penn State about Parker and Celestin. She later claims the university’s only response is to move her to off-campus housing. She also says the school publishes her new phone number in the student directory against her expressed wishes, allowing the harassment to continue.

January 2000
Doe drops out of Penn State, but continues to live in State College. She later claims that the harassment continues throughout her time in the town.

October 2000
Parker and Celestin are readmitted to the wrestling team.

October 5, 2001
After a three-day trial, Celestin is found guilty of sexual assault. Parker is cleared of all charges. The defense had repeatedly brought up Doe’s attire on the night in question, as well as her history of drinking and her previous consensual encounter with Parker.

November 20, 2001
Celestin is sentenced to six to 12 months in prison, lower than the mandatory sentence of three to six years, after multiple Penn State administrators send letters of support to judge Thomas Kistler. The jail sentence is delayed to allow Celestin time to graduate, a decision that sparks controversy on campus: A victims-rights group calls his potential graduation “an absolute indignity,” while the school’s Black Caucus, of which Celestin is a member, pushes for him to be allowed to walk, noting that all but one of the jurors in the case were white. (Doe is also white.)

December 7, 2001
Celestin is expelled from Penn State for two years, with the possibility of graduating after his expulsion is up. The school claims it had been waiting, with Doe’s support, for the case to be resolved in the legal system before taking action against either of the men. Parker transfers to Oklahoma around this time, graduating in 2003.

March 6, 2002
The Women’s Law Project files a lawsuit against Penn State on Jane Doe’s behalf, saying that the university did not adequately protect her from the alleged harassment.

December 5, 2002
Penn State settles with Doe for $17,500. The university does not admit fault, but does agree to change its anti-harassment policies. Her lawyer tells reporters the suit wasn’t about money: “The critical factor for her all along was changing policies at Penn State so this doesn’t happen to anyone else.”

May 2, 2003
In denying Celestin’s appeal, the Pennsylvania Superior Court also orders judge Kistler to give him to a harsher sentence.

March 30, 2004
Celestin is resentenced to two to four years in prison.

October 28, 2005
While serving his sentence, Celestin is granted a new trial after the Pennsylvania Superior Court rules that his original attorney erred in not challenging the admission of Jane Doe’s illegally recorded phone call, as well as various hearsay testimony. Prosecutors eventually decline to retry the case, and Celestin’s conviction is vacated.

December 23, 2007
With the release of The Great Debaters, Parker’s big break, the actor is profiled by his hometown paper, the Virginian-Pilot. The interview touches on the rape charges. “Something like that turns you into a man real fast. It teaches you the world doesn’t owe you anything,” he says. “If I had it my way, it would never be brought up again. It’s taken six years of my life to get past it.” Still, he attempts to place the accusation at the center of a redemption arc: “I know if all that hadn’t happened then, I wouldn’t be here today.”

November 8, 2008
Parker’s Wikipedia page is created. The same day, it is updated to include a mention of the rape charges. The case receives its own section on August 16, 2016.

April 15, 2012
Jane Doe commits suicide at a rehab facility. “She became detached from reality,” her brother later tells Variety. “The progression was very quick and she took her life.” Though Variety notes there’s no direct link between the alleged assault and Doe’s suicide, her brother points to the trial as a turning point: “If I were to look back at her very short life and point to one moment where I think she changed as a person, it was obviously that point.”

and never would

I wanna believe most men are aware of the women they can take advantage of.

I don't know what predators look to take advantage of, there are studies and subfields of research on it though.

what did I type to give you that response?

I’m of the opinion, men know who they can do this with and who they can’t. hence, “to be taken advantage of”

no more no less...

Plus, some of the women I have known to have gotten attacked aren't necessarily pushovers in real life.

yet, drugs being introduced is a different ballgame. I was speaking along the line of there being men who seek out the already drunk girl. you've seen it before...

at parties
the club.
wherever

he knows she not in her "right mind" but, it doesn't prevent him from the kill...

so what I was getting at is that most men weren't like him. That's why I didn't follow up after MEAT's reply...he somewhat killed my theory.

but I honestly never found myself in a situation like that and never would. I pressured but took no for an answer and never messed with anybody who didn't have the faculties to consent or not.

>Because that's what dude is hinting at it seems.

to be told your experience and pain isn’t true, doesn’t matter or worse not even acknowledged is the most maddening experience. just as traumatic as the assault

to make a mess but expect the other person to pick up the pieces

I've definitely had some misgivings and transgressions in the past

-I've disrespected women in the club on some 'Zeke at the parade' shit when i was @ 19 (not to the 'skin' but still)
-I've grabbed on and groped as my MO from 16-19 in the club/parties
-In HS, I've stolen beepers from girls in the club when i would dance wit em
-I've had a drink thrown on me when i was @ 18 in which i responded with a push
-I've cheated
-I've lied to and manipulated
-I've once said 'well f*** u then b****' as a youth when I was rejected

And yeah it was back in the day...and things were 'different' and i wasn't THAT bad compared to many of my peers but there is/was no excuse

And for all of the above i am eternally wrong...young or not

I used my male privilege to do all the above

but I apologize too

that beeper shit is funny

the worst part is i wouldn't even do nothin with em after i got em
i didn't get em 'turned on' or sell em

became funny to me

but this was in HS

ambient a hot mess, lol
all that experience...

now that my son is abt to be 16, i constantly look back to how I was
we are completely night and day

he is still a 'kid'
by the time i was his age i done been there and done this that and the third ...and forth n fif , etc and back for seconds

plus i was a VERY emotional, easily-triggered, angry young man


now I'm a laid back, scared of commitment, emotionally unavailable, old man

**rocks in chair**

This girl had a rep as giving great head in college. It was a holloween party and she was dressed as Dorothy. She was mad flirty and we ended up in a room alone and started making out. I misjudged the scene and whipped it out. She was like "oh my!" and exited stage right. She told a mutual friend and she clowned me about for some time.

I don't think I scarred her or anything but I keep saying if I see her at a college reunion I will apologize... 20 years later...hopefully in front of her husband(jk).

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

You both got drunk
You were alone
You both were enjoying physical contact
You tried to press the situation via presenting
She passed and left

Awkward but not taking advantage of.

and cheating..

I was a serial cheater back in HS but hell, the more I think about it the more I realize they were also cheating, dating..

I was pretty faithful when in a real relationship but I rarely got in them because I liked my freedom.

Gendered Neutral.

If we start apologize for cheating then we got to start apologizing for farting under the covers.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I broke one woman's heart and treated another one disposable

both got heartfelt apologies from me though that didnt fix matters at the time

I always wonder if my violators feel any sense of shame or guilt and oddly its comforting to think that they might.

However I would rather not someone apologize to me personally. The one-on-one aspect would put me in a situation where I have to express forgiveness at the same time that I'm being reminded of the incident. I'm not trying to do all that.

I hope you've been well and that your book was a success. How is everything going for you?

sorry for whatever happened to you.

I sing Bell Biv Devoe

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=A7m16mrY-l4

you don't have to be the one feeding the other person drinks to be legally liable for the assault

all it takes is for there to be enough witnesses to state that you knew she was too drunk to properly give consent

that's it

someone else could have roofied her...and if you took advantage...you are on the hook bc she couldn't consent...it doesn't matter if you or someone else is responsible for the condition she was in

now if she didn't appear drunk even to witnesses...yea...you'd likely be safe but i see it repeated here that you have to provide the drinks or even have intent on taking advantage for you to be legally on the hook

that's not necessarily true at all...it's not necessarily fair either but those are the breaks

It doesn't matter who gave the girl the drink, if she is clearly too drunk to give consent and you make your move, that's rape.

That being said, too drunk to consent doesn't necessarily = just intoxicated. Drunk people have consensual sex with each all the time.

The line between too drunk to consent and consensual drunken sex is blurry enough where you probably want to stay far as hell away from it.



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"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"