It's hard to shake learned disfunction even when you're insightful, let alone when you're unconscious. You've worked so hard to reject so many fucked up familial habits. Honestly, that shit is a herculean task. You should feel proud that you overcame so much.

As far as your boy, start him out on small goals so he's not overwhelmed with trying to fix it all right now. Pile too much on him and he'll buckle under the weight. If you want him to stay make him feel like he's needed in your household just as much as he was in the other one. If he doesn't feel needed he will probably leave soon to go be with someone who does need him. A one way giving proposition is a charity case and this man derives his self worth from helping others and holding them down. You can use that to your advantage to get him on the right track.
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