i've seen marriages end over what seemed to be petty & minor offenses.

i've seen people hold on to the worse marriages imaginable because for them, divorce wasn't an option even though there was no improvement in sight.

how you feel about it?

marriage: it is, til it ain't

or

marriage: once you in it, YOU IN IT (s) slim charles

Poll question: Marriage

Poll result (19 votes) til death do you part - aka Sombody Gotta Die, if i go you gotta go (6 votes) Vote comes with several OPT OUT clauses. breach of contract causes termination (12 votes) Vote something else...cuz polls always need at least 3 options (1 votes) Vote

not something I'd enter foolishly tho...

that can result from alot of things
but if I dont love you anymore respect and compassion go out the window

ive been with my wife pretty much since 17
she would have to do something life altering like shooting me or something

The truth is that marriage will continue as long as your needs are met and your partner makes you feel wanted and cared for. Everyday won't be worth it and you will definitely hit a few moments where you will want to quit but you work on that friendship and respect everyday.

Then again I am getting divorced so what do I know?? LOL

would have to be some real shit for me to get a divorce.

if it ever gets like what Marvin described below then i'm out.

and i don't think i'd have that 'until death do us part' language in our vows.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLovbDXhMSQ

You know, when you say your marriage vows, they're supposed to be for real. I mean, if you think back about what you really said, what it's all about, honor, loving and obeying till death do us part and all. But it shouldn't be that way, it should, it should, it should be lies because it turns out to be lies. If you don't honor what you said, you lie to God. The words should be changed

Ooh now as I recall, we tried a million times
Again and again and again, and that isn't all
I gave my love to you each time to make amends
Suddenly I start to realize I can't make it
Pretty birds fly away, I had to leave you for my health's sake
What to do? Make you pay, for leaving you, my fine, is to pay forever
So if a fresh new love comes in, I won't say those words again
Instead I'll say I'll try to love and protect you
With all my heart as long as you want me to baby

Ooh if I love again I'm gonna try a new way this time
Memories of the things we did; some we're proud of, some we hid
So when two people have to part, sometimes it makes them stronger
Do you remember all of the fights we had?
You say you love me with all your heart
If you ever loved me will all of your heart
You'd never take a million dollars to part
I really tried, you know I tried, oh baby
Although we tried, all of those promises was nothin' but lies
I really tried, you know how I tried, we really lied, didn't we baby?
And on top of that you have scandalized, my name
But I can't understand, cause if you love me
How could you turn me into nothin' least
Didn't I love you good and try to take care of you?
Best I could, you were so inviting and your love was like mellow wine
Pains of love, miles of tears, after lasting for my lifetime
Broken hearts last for years and break away to the blue-day sunshine
One thing I can promise, friend; I'll never be back again
But we're not really bitter babe
I promise you all the love in the world, good love in the world
But I know you'll never be satisfied just to have me by your side
Memories haunt you all the time, I will never leave, you're mine
God judged me on His side; you've said bad things and you've lied
Still I remember some of the good things baby
Of love after dark and picnics in parks
Those are the days I'd love to get in my life
I'd rather remember, remember the joy we shared babe
I'd rather remember all the fun we had
All I ever really wanted was to love you and treat you right
All we did was fuss and fight
It don't matter baby, take a lesson from them all
I never thought I'd see the day when you'd put me through what you put me through
You try your best, you say I gave you no rest

When did you stop loving me?
When did I stop loving you?
When did you stop loving me?
When did I stop loving you?
When did I stop loving you?

I remember Whitney saying that one of the reasons her and Bobby stayed together was to prove people wrong. That logic makes no sense to me. Stay in a dead end marriage for other people's expectations (whether to prove them wrong or right).


Also, that whole "til death do us part" can really be exploited. People take that vow and figure they can behave in reckless and disrespectful ways cause they know their spouse will never leave. Tethering your life to someone else's on an unconditional basis can leave someone ripe for all kinds of harm.

Lastly, people get far too caught up on love and don't consider if their spouse respects them. Love and respect are two different things. You need both to have a healthy, satisfying relationship.

like you agree and maybe even write down
that barring dealbreakers (cheating and beating- those are mine)
you're in it to the end

the marriages I've seen fail
is because one partner was to the death no matter what
and the other was
I'm in it til I ain't (for whatever reason. Everyone has different red lines)

after the wedding it's all gravy baby.

how you get married and a year or 2 later you filing for divorce?

like these problems weren't there while you were dating

I think it was similar to us, a year of dating, a year of engagement, wedding. Something, it was a short timeline.

Difference though, he's part of the church, so they couldn't live together until now.

Some people get married, then add dramatic changes to their lifestyles. I'm hopeful for them, but I'm a skeptical person.

it's like buying a car without test driving it.

a whole lot of people believe they or their SO will "straighten up," in whatever way, once they get the rings and license. It doesn't work that way.

Once those REAL arguments started, it was probably too much to deal with by then. The uncomfortable things need to be worked out while y'all both still have an option to leave.

One friend of mine decided that once he was married certain behaviors were no longer okay and he became more "traditional" problem is he married a non traditional woman so they had to end things

Another one it became clear she wanted a wedding and didn't care for the groom LOL

while dating and in marriages. What often happens is that boundaries are not established before problems occur. So, when they're hit in the face with them, they're handled poorly (e.g., swept under the rug, overblown, etc) and people feel obligated to "work it out" or abruptly leave without trying to work through it.

I think people are too afraid to discuss deal breakers cause they fear it might come to fruition and they'll grow old alone.

i know my wife hit me with getting plastic surgery recently
in my head before she brought it up i was like hell naw
after talking to her im like,,,,not my preference but if you want to

i think two things people underestimate in marriage is
communication and pride
if you can communicate and take pride out of some situations...man you can get far

>i know my wife hit me with getting plastic surgery recently
>in my head before she brought it up i was like hell naw
>after talking to her im like,,,,not my preference but if you
>want to
>
>i think two things people underestimate in marriage is
>communication and pride
>if you can communicate and take pride out of some
>situations...man you can get far

true. some deal breakers you cannot forsee. however, i was thinking of the typical ones that people consider dealbreakers (e.g., physical and emotional abuse, fraud, cheating, theft). i didn't consider plastic surgery a deal breaker. then again, i have no strong feelings about it in most cases. for me, deal breakers are closely related to standards. i think people have certain relationships standards that are set and those standards aren't discussed in relationships, much less prior to marriage.

I've heard everything under the sun
except...I can't image life without you

>I've heard everything under the sun
>except...I can't image life without you

even that is not a good reason for marriage
sounds like a co-dependency which is unhealthy

the "i can't imagine life without you" reason may simply mean they cannot fathom not having someone who looks good on paper/arm, someone to do their domestic activities, someone to have kids with, someone who has money/assets they can use, someone to control, someone to make decisions for them, etc.

the substantive and concrete reasons for "i can't imagine life without you" may be all kinds of warped.

it starts out that way...

I'll refrain now.

for some it may mean that . It's too hard for me to explain what it means to love someone. It's an action....

the husband I desire would understand what it means.

or at least do so until one or both parties is no longer willing to work on making it better

And yeah, I know *I* can be put on waivers myself too.

1st marriage for under-30-year-olds should be a 2 year contract 5 year MAX.

otherwise you're taking an unnecessary gamble that you're gonna be happy with one person for the rest of your life. even if you've been with that person for 5 years already you're betting that person is still gonna be compatible with you for possibly 12x that length.

in general I don't understand why people want to get the government involved in their relationship. money and blood don't mix and neither does sex and the government.

if marriage didn't exist and someone presented the idea of it to society in 2016, would we accept this as a perfectly normal institution or call them crazy?

Maybe not like the NFL with little guaranteed money, but not like the NBA where they still get paid after being cut 2 years ago, lol.

then it's time to move on.

1 whole year.

This is what she told her daughter

if you want to marry someone, it's damn sure enough time to know for sure you don't want to marry someone.

that being said, this advice is strictly for people whose be all, end all goal is to find one person, get married to them, and spend the rest of your life with them.

and as you can imagine from my initial reply, I find that insane.

there's no point in holding onto something that aint there.

And like all businesses, either it grows and sustains itself or fold. I do not believe anyone goes into a marriage thinking it will fail, but shit happens where it does fail.

So, my approach to marriage is that I am willing to do it once. If it lasts then great. If it fails, then ok, I have to deal with it and move on. I just do not think I would involve myself with multiple marriages. I am a one and done type of person and believe that going through divorce is too much to endure multiple times.

but not because I wanted to get a divorce, but rather because I needed to get a divorce. I married the wrong person and she was doing thing that could cost my freedom and life. So, I chose to bounce and to serve her with some papers.

But the next time around I know what to look for, not overlook, and not play with.



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Everything else to get in life is earned then celebrated (graduations, promotions, even a first date). People get caught up in the act and the pageantry of the event. All I can do is reflect on where I went wrong, and I know that I married my future ex wife because she made my life better and she married me because she settled and I was a good guy.

She wasn't attracted to me or thought that I was an upgrade to her life so when the hard times arrived I was an option to her, but she was a life partner to me. Once you become an option it is hard to stay with someone. In the beginning everything is a positive possibility but when reality strikes it exposes a lot.

I hate when people sit there and tell young people they need to get married and have kids. Pushing that American dream bullshit with out telling them the work involved in having a healthy marriage and raising a kid. If you are to selfish to put in the work. Then keep your ass single.

Ready for alternatives. Cohabitation next?