are you a fan? My wife's fam belongs to a small church. Real small. Too small for a full drum kit but they have one.

He's 12 or 13..

He is TERRIBLE. Little nigga doesn't practice and just joins in the choirs songs playing whatever the fuck he wants.

That ain't even the real problem tho...

when the pastor cracks a little joke he does the drum roll cymbal crash.

ole people don't give a fuck tho.. they were shushing that nigga while he was playing.

I miss church.

i'm going to find a CHUCH that goes all out with the music and fanfare and start going there...

the only caveat is that they gotta be cool with me not attending in a suit.
oh, and they gotta be all Black.

My cousin was like "ohhh you are about to hear the word TODAY"

They did a few songs, a dance (those things are awful) and then the preacher got up and went over the numbers for the church debt. Then he said "well... seems like I went over, let us pray"

and that was it.

I was screaming out "that's it? That's all?"

No wonder they are ahead of schedule on their loans. They have 3 or for services a day.

I want a strong 20 minute sermon at the minimum.

I'm one of those people that won't show until the pastor takes the stage.

never in walmart or at the bus stop...


***
I ain't lyin. This shit i'm making up is true...

.

They banned speaking in tongues...

First time I heard that shit i was like cmon.. this is too much. Those aren't even words.

I have always been suspicious, but never cast aspersions.

and I didn't think you could 'ban' it....but what do I know.

you can tell. there's a ramp up period where the pastor builds that momentum and the music is building up.

then you got showtime. and everybody is hype and it's full blown.

and after it's been long enough, there's the wind down period.



***
I ain't lyin. This shit i'm making up is true...

I would LOVE to see a pastor or minister kick someone out for that babble.

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/False%20Doctrines/Speaking%20in%20Tongues/demonic.htm

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"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out?
Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then?
They don't want to call for peace then.

it's time to issue a rule.

or maybe it was fucking with the bottom line

Ionno but it was discouraged to the point they stopped.

And I remember when drums in church was a still "out there" and alot of the older folks saw it as inappropriate, especially my grandfather. But in reality there's zero scriptural justification against them.

Dropping his sticks and shit

During the afternoon service when they asked people to raise their hands if they never been embarrassed he raised his hand. I was like "nigga you should be embarrassed"

Dude in the pulpit said "oh, you will be, and more than likely it will be a woman"

Everyone laughed and my wife said. "Where is the rim shot now?"

I'm DYING.

the wife was goin to this church - it was a rented upstairs office suite kinda thing. It was WAY too small. Big-ass ZILDJIAN crash cymbals blocking the window. LOL

the preacher kept calling me 'Brother Fiancee'....salty muthafka.

that $hit folded like a mug.

He gets waaaaay too funky sometimes. Straight up breakbeats, son.

and he looks like he's always missing out on another gig by being there. No church clothes or anything. "gold chain on the outside of the shirt" type steez.

And be WANGing the snare right in front of sister gildenberry and the mothers board.

KNOWING GOOD AND WELL sister Gildenberry got that fluid in her ears from that dinner cruise accident.

Pastor don't care either, it's his attempt at "bringing those young peoples back to the house of gawd, listening to the music at their volume"

and played all the wrong notes

in a big ass puffy winter coat.

At least his volume was low.

At the end of the night one of the originals got up on the piano. I kid you not.. she stared that kid down until he got the message and got up from the drums. There was a 2 minute pause from the time they said she was going to sing until she started.

She tore the house down too.