outside of anything, like for a long time after anything intimate stopped we still had a friendship and kind of a mentorship kinda thing (she was considerably older). she was like "but it's been years (read: two, and really more like one) since we did anything together academically, you need to pursue new mentors and relationships at your new institution."

i admit that i was still kinda sorta in love with her (and being much smarter than i, she knew it) but i tried to maintain a safe distance and keep things above board. her husband found a letter i had written her and flipped out, i later found out. the letter didn't contain anything romantic but i guess he got a vibe from it. before that he thought i was just a dude that he sent his kids a gift on their birthday and a friend of hers, though who knows what all she told him and when? i was kinda hurt by that but what can you do?