i swear, its always been a catch 22 with them.

if the kid isnt the center of their world, i cant deal. if the kid IS the center of their world, im coming behind the child AND the people that make up the foundation of that child's life.

that hes a great dad makes up a huge part of my attraction to him. but its also the thing that can stand in the way of us doing fun shit like spontaneous happy hours, sleepovers, throwing the whole day away in bed, marathon dates, etc etc.

i don't think ive ever had this close of a look at what having a child means. the joy and the sense of responsibility they bring, how they fill your heart up and give you purpose. when he talks about his son, its a little painful because it makes me feel like i'm missing out. there's a little twinge of regret i feel about being so fucking careful about birth control and condoms every single fucking time. i feel like i've been too responsible for my own damn good, lol.

i do need to be more patient tho. about everything.