Know how I know this is gonna be good?

Cuz Armond White told me if I enjoy it, then I'm a moron.

http://www.nypress.com/article-21588-machete.html

"The gruesome prologue in which Stevan Seagal kills Machete’s wife and child recalls the underrated (yet brilliant) Jonah Hex,"

"...and Trejo, whose unexpectedly funny appearance Delta Farce was so great, isn’t enough of an actor to rise about his regular pay grade. He can’t keep Machete from being trashy."<-Hrm.

these same people probably didn't get black dynamite either

machete was exactly what it looked like and what you expected from rodriguez

>these same people probably didn't get black dynamite either
>
>machete was exactly what it looked like and what you expected
>from rodriguez

Misunderstood? Nigga, this isn't going over anybody's head. It's not that good of a movie

film intelligence. They just don't get all the references or the intentional moments of bad acting or mistakes. They didn't like these kind of films when they were originally being made and they definitely won't like the throw-back films that are being made now. So yes like he said they won't understand what this movie is all about. Some may lie and pretend like they like those film but spend most of the review talking about how this film is nothing like those.

yup, this guy pretty much hates everything i love and loves everything i hate...so thats thumbs up if you put it through the Armond decoder.

i still say this dude is trolling and caking off it

Machete Kill again

It was nice to see Danny Trejo in a lead role but Jeff Fahey & Shea Whigham stole the show. Bobby D & Crockett weren't too shabby either but Segal did nothing for me up until his final scene. It basically felt like a buncha other Robert Rodriguez movies recycled & rolled into one but it still worked for the most part. Some good kills, thrills, & frills. Maybe they can team him up with Black Dynamite to wipe out whitey for good in the next one.

As far as the ladies, Michelle Rodriguez was lookin mmm mmm good. Better than Alba in most scenes. Jeah not the shower scene but I said most motherfuckers! Lil mamacita w/ the clever cell phone hidin spot could get it over both of em. Didn't like the twins w/ the tarantula in Planet Terror but they were bout it bout it w/ the uzis & nurses outfits here. Lilo didn't do nun for me.

Armond's review isn't really that far off but that over-the-top image of Danny Trejo firing a machine-gun-mounted-motorcycle while being propelled by a fireball in the Grindhouse spoof-trailer for Machete actually does appear in the movie. Maybe he was too busy being mad to notice but it was clearly there in the screening I saw last nite.

shots from the original trailer that appeared in the movie, such as Machete gettin' down with the nekkid yt chicks in the pool

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someone please confirm, so I can make sure to bring my lotion....

bring your
>lotion....

Ugghh. You do know that the internet is full of free pornography, right?

~~~~
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~~~~
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When this MOTHERFUCKER split that dudes gut open and grappled to the floor below him out the window using the dude's fucking intestines!?!?!?!?!?!?!


THE THEATER FUCKING HOWLED.

I almost stood up with both hands in the air like a field goal. I DID put both hands in the air like a field goal while screaming at the screen, but I didn't stand up, lol.

>When this MOTHERFUCKER split that dudes gut open and grappled
>to the floor below him out the window using the dude's fucking
>intestines!?!?!?!?!?!?!
>
>
>THE THEATER FUCKING HOWLED.
>
>I almost stood up with both hands in the air like a field
>goal. I DID put both hands in the air like a field goal while
>screaming at the screen, but I didn't stand up, lol.

I was sittin next to this chubby dude who kept slappin his thunder thighs with both hands in unison everytime he saw a kill he liked. Needless to say he did this the entire movie & made the movie even better.

I think my favorite kill was via the hyrdaulics

i'd watch it. maybe i'll muster up some courage b/c it looks really good. and i like the cast.

http://www.ballerstatus.com/2010/09/01/mini-doc-of-machete-star-danny-trejo-by-estevan-oriol/

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And half of it is spectacular.

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and fucking loved it.
I'm trying to avoid this comparison, because I don't wanna hype the movie up too much to those who haven't seen it yet, but the whole way through my thoughts were
"This is almost a Chicano version of Black Dynamite."

Fantastic.

It was about 10 minutes to long but whatever, the violence and the nudity and the jokes kept coming, so ultimately it was a lot of fun to watch

It felt like Rodriguez's love letter both to movies and his people, and I can certainly dig that

And while the message about illegal immigration is front and center, Rodriguez and Trejo have said that that wasn't the intention:

http://www.deadline.com/2010/09/the-real-hidden-machete-message/


Anyway, Danny Trejo is that dude, though he didn't need the lead man shine to confirm it, but it's still nice to see him carry a movie

Jeff Fahey was also pretty fucking hilarious, as was Cheech Marin

It was also funny and good to see Daryl Sabara back in Rodriguez land as the white cholo

And I'll take Michelle Rodriguez all day err day over Alba, and even the nekkid chick at the start of the movie

The only thing I didn't think it needed was La Lohan, she's wack

BTW, the nurses were Robert and (producer-ex wife) Elizabeth Avellan's daughters

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You cannot hate people for their own good.

Seagal's ending was fucking hilarious!

Wow, that's such high praise. Can we please get some new mods in here?

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>BTW, the nurses were Robert and (producer-ex wife) Elizabeth Avellan's daughters

kissing danny trejo all up in the mouf
and looking like she enjoyed it
fuck no
now thats some skill
~~~~
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Yeah, I was cringe-smiling at that final shot

Not to mention the age issue

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>Yeah, I was cringe-smiling at that final shot


but at the end

that was it

i'm like shoooot
just give the woman an oscar
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
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You cannot hate people for their own good.

the kills were epic.

the intestine kill? son! i was dying, the theater went wild.

its like the mexican sweetback's revenge
i loved it and plan on seeing it again

nm

yup

Fahey & Johnson out acted DeNiro!!!! Okay okay.... DeNiro in 2010... but they still stole that shit from the man!

Trejo was great. And y'all ain't kiddin'.... Michelle looked BAAAAAAAAAAAANGIN'!

I want a Machete/Mariachi team up something fierce.

LOL

Best line of the year. I'm callin it now.

Fucking great movie.

>Best line of the year

This movie was garbage. You are making it more than it was, which was garbage. jambone is right in all accounts, this was garbage.

Nothing against you, but I thought you had some type of critical sensibility. As far as dialogue, this movie struggled. There were many scenes in which the acting and the delivery was below average. The actors themselves seemed bored. As far as plot and continuity, it failed. The senseless and boring violence, well, I would expect that to entertain morons, but not people who claim to have an interest in real films. What did you love so much about this movie? I'd really love to know. Was it the senseless violence and ridiculous dialogue, or the more ridiculous ending to an otherwise terrible film?

I feel like Rodriguez has a good bead on that grindhouse style. Planet Terror was much more successful, true. However, this movie was super-likable, a good balance between tongue-in-cheek and deadpan, and it had a fast enough pace and enough silly action to keep me very entertained.

Although yes, it's a bit shoddy in its construction, it's more consistently funny/violent than recent attempts like The Expendables and Pirahna 3D. Maybe since it's coming off the heels of those near-successes, it seems better than it is. But I was smiling the whole film long.

I'm just a big Rodriguez apologist. I love his whole operation, and he's made very few genuine missteps in his whole career in my opinion.

I think if Rodriquez put a little more effort into this film, it would have been much more enjoyable. There are some good moments but overall, I just thought it was a poorly constructed film, and much too long. Anyways, take care.

I had so much fun watching that movie - absolutely loved it.
Everyone was great. On one hand Lohan playing a spoiled rich junkie is of course way too true to life and therefore is comical, but then I just found her distracting and didn't enjoy any of her scenes (except for the menage).
Aside from that, loved every single character in the film. And Michelle Rodriguez - woah! I've never been that into her, but she may be my new girl crush.

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Think she was fly

from what i've read/heard it sounds like a sensationalized mexicano version of birth of a nation.

I also think it's funny that the Texas Film Commission provided a large portion of (tax payer) funding for this film yet for whatever reason they refused to fund the Waco movie which is currently in production. Apparently, the commission denies funding for any film which presents the state of Texas and or its citizens in a bad light.

Sensationalized mexicano birth of a nation?

What the hell reviews have you been reading?????

or are white people (southerners) not being demonized in this movie?

get over yourself
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When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

And had you actually peeped the flick, you would have seen that.

That said, I was concerned that I didn't see more brothers sprinkled among the brown (and white) folks fighting along Machete

But I'm not going to protest. Or make misguided posts about it.

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my bad. i'm seeing it today so i'll comment later.

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this was a massive kill whitey propaganda fest. the info wars dude even had a video claiming that he had the script and laid it on crazy thick.

rodriguez and trejo even responded to this misconception.

so, i don't think pimp was making assumptions- just asking if what people are saying is true, and to what degree.

Please?

had they actually written that nonsense. not asying these guys are credible, just saying this perception is out there and that pimp simply came across as having heard some of it, and wondering how true it was.

i wouldn't really consider that loon part of the media, but i do remember some of the right wing talking heads were complaining when that cinco de mayo trailer dropped that this movie could incite violence

>the info wars
>dude even had a video claiming that he had the script and laid
>it on crazy thick.

Very fun, very entertaining, and it delivered on everything it was expected to.

I found it quite awesome Rodriguez got basically everything from the fake trailer into the movie too. If he DIDN'T have the story mapped out beforehand, thats pretty cool.

Hell of a way to end the summer.

Alba is waaaaaaaaaay to skinny, but boy is she purtty. I cringed every time she attempted to say something in Spanish, or with the Spanish alphabet. But overall she was pretty good. Michelle Rodriguez was great. Lohan didnt contribute shit but her great rack, I gotta say her rack is pretty nice. Very entertaining. I think everyone in the theater loved it. I sat next to a mexican family. Mom, dad, and 5 kids ranging from a few months old to maybe 15. They fucking loved it. Mom and dad were going nuts every time he killed whitey. Oh yeah and they let out some grita's during the credits, so I joined them.

>Mom, dad, and 5 kids ranging from a few months old to maybe 15.

I mean, wow.

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family with children under the age of 10 in the house.

Lohan didnt contribute shit but
>her great rack, I gotta say her rack is pretty nice.

Rob Rodriguez is phoning in these jobs, man.

maybe it was the divorce, i don't know.

Spy Kids 4 in the making, lame ass Predator, and this Machete bullsh*t?

i never thought Rob could f*ck up a movie like this. This is right up his alley. This is the same guy that made masterpieces (relatively speaking...lol) like Planet Terror, Sin City, Desperado.

is the same guy?

can't be with this Machete.

he mailed this one in. money done got to his head.

"oh look...Rob Dinero with a southern accent?, oh look...Steven Segal with a messican? accent...oh look Lindsay Lohan in a nun outfit....oh look, its old ass Don Johnson".


star-gazers? i mean, cmon, Rob.

highlight of the entire movie for me was in the beginning. that mexican chick who was naked. ummmm-hmmmmm. damn, she was fine.

other than that. couldn't stay awake.

just didn't work.

I liked it...I really did...but some things just flat out felt boring at times. Still, it was a fun time.

and like the 3 movies i mentioned of Rob's before (PT, desperado, and Sin City), you had that rhythm and timing.

with Machete, it just felt off and flat.

i think Rob could do much better.

Machete is Rob's Death Proof.

like Death Proof was a shell of Tarantino's better work.

Machete felt like a shell of Rob's better work.

You can dislike Machete for your own reasons, and that's all well and good, but you need to apologize for even using Machete is the same SENTENCE as Death Proof.

From Justin to Kelly was better than Death Proof.

i'd actually rather watch Death Proof again than Machete.

Machete is just horrible.

and you can use both movies in the same sentence because...

Death Proof suffers because its creator was too much in love with himself and his dialogue to actually write a good story and make a good movie. it was tired and rehashed.

Machete suffers because its creator sold out for money instead of writing a good and funny story. again, tired and rehashed.

Rodriguez even stole a page out of Tarantino's book by hiding behind "gotcha" and "wink, wink" moments in Machete instead of just being funny.

both movies' creators should have known better.

poor excuses for movies by guys who have done quality work in the past.

so yes, Machete and Death Proof suck on different levels, but the bottom line is that they suffer from directors who had low aim when those 2 movies were made.

>You can dislike Machete for your own reasons, and that's all
>well and good, but you need to apologize for even using
>Machete is the same SENTENCE as Death Proof.
>
>From Justin to Kelly was better than Death Proof.

>Machete suffers because its creator sold out for money instead
>of writing a good and funny story. again, tired and rehashed.
ies were made.

I really doubt that Robert Rodriguez sold out for money. I mean, he made an ode to cheesy 70s B movies based on a sequence from a previous ode to cheesy 70s B movies that tanked hard at the box office.

Plus, um, he cast Lindsey Lohan and made Danny freaking Trejo the main star. Oh yeah and made Steven "Direct to Video since 2002" Segal as the antagonist. And Don Johnson and Jeff Fahey starring would definitely be an act of selling out...if this were the 80s.

I didn't love the movie. It rehashed his other films--especially Desperado. It pulled back on style and humor to keep from repeated Grindhouse or Copying Black Dynamite--and suffered for it. I think it turned out to be just a mediocre b action movie, with no real surprises...and it's hard to slam it for that, because that's kind of all it was going for. For better or worse, it delivered exactly what the trailer promised; nothing more, nothing less.

But having said all that...the very last thing I'd say is that Rodriguez sold out for money...not unless he's an idiot, because Machete clearly isn't going to soar at the box office.

>You can dislike Machete for your own reasons, and that's all
>well and good, but you need to apologize for even using
>Machete is the same SENTENCE as Death Proof.
>
>From Justin to Kelly was better than Death Proof.


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i give death proof the edge
because of that last scene
and the no kissing of the danny trejo

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When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
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And in the other, there's one good action scene after 2+ hours of bad dialogue.

Machete was just mindless drivel for mindless idiots.

complete directorial masturbation by QT, which his fanboys cheerfully ate up.

it is hard for me to engage in any conversation with people who have such a predisposed disposition towards him. I really enjoyed Death Proof and I suppose that in the end everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am not going to champion Death Proof as a "fucking fantastic movie" because it isn't, but it is a much stronger film than Machete which was just complete hogwash. It annoys me when people champion such garbage just because some of their favorite actors appeared in the movie. Anyone who claims that Machete is a fantastic movie is openly stating that it does not take much to appease them and thus we see a further decline in movie making. Throw in some tits, some blood, a samurai sword and the idiots go nuts. How many times is Rodriguez going to launch a hot chick on a motorcycle into the air with a gun mounted on it? I'm sure his next movie will incorporate the same idiotic stunt.

>I really
>enjoyed Machete and I suppose that in the end everyone is
>entitled to their opinion. I am not going to champion Machete as a "fucking fantastic movie" because it isn't, but it
>is a much stronger film than Death Proof which was just complete
>hogwash. It annoys me when people champion such garbage just
>because their favorite director made the movie.
>Anyone who claims that Death Proof is a fantastic movie is openly
>stating that it does not take much to appease them and thus we
>see a further decline in movie making. Throw in some rambling dialogue,
>some blood, a hip soundtrack and the idiots go nuts. How many
>times is Tarantino going to have his characters go off on an unrelated tangent in their dialogue? I'm sure his next movie
>will incorporate the same idiotic stunt.

I'm not even a "QT Hater." I've enjoyed all his other films to varying degrees. But this one was abysmal.

I was really looking forward to Grindhouse too.

Jackie Brown is OK, Kill Bill was fun and Reservoir Dogs is pretty intense the first time through (it hasn't aged well, though).

Death Proof just sucked. and QT's aimless direction, plot and dialogue were the main reasons why.

Fantasy is what you're best at.

that none of these films are particularly mentally challenging?


either you had fun at these shows or you didn't

sheesh folks
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The ending was so stupid too. I can't believe I sat through this idiocy.

Excellent.

It was okay. However, it was too long, or at least it felt that way. Also for a movie like this, there was way too much dialogue. And most of the dialogue wasn't even clever, which is what you expect in a flick like this. Most of the time I found myself waiting for the next action scene/fight, and even those weren't very good. Frankly, most of the good stuff was already in the red-band trailer and the parts they used from the original Grindhouse trailer.

Kinda disappointing.

surrounded by loads of nubile Asian women?

Google "seagal sexual harassment" for more details.

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im like was it in the contract?
and how segals accent was better than alba's?

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sounded like my tio chuey

i'm no expert on mexican accents


but i was sitting in that theatre *looking into camera*
like werd?

then alba comes on...
=\


i had a flashback to anthony hopkins in zorro
i still get pissed off remembering
dude didnt even TRY
i'm like arent you an actor?
ACT like you have an accent!
~~~~
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Don Johnson was unnecessary...he should've just been a cameo in the beginning. DeNiro was also boring (and I love Bobby). I thought Planet Terror was a better paced work, and Rodriguez should've followed the 91 minute template rather than extend Machete to 105.

the high parts were good enough to make it worthwhile, though. intestines wall drop might be the movie scene of 2010.

In many ways, it seemed like a 'do-over' of Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Only not as good (and that's saying something).

best guy movie of the summer

Stupid shitty movie for stupid people who are entertained by stupid violence.

No its not a serious movie. Yes if you thought it would be, you must live under a rock. This movie was pure fun, like a live-action cartoon. It has it's place. For me, this played my nostalgia strings perfectly. If you are too young to remember low-budget awesomeness of such movies, then I can try to understand I guess. But all in all, this was a hell of a fun ride.