>>1. Do we REALLY need a man, if we are financially stable,
>have our own homes, already have children(or don't want any),
>and I guess know how to go to Rite Aid for batteries when need
>be? LOL!

Personally, I know I need Brothahs, for friendship, assistance, Wisdom, and just, the Male Perspective. I learn so much from them(both good and bad), which helps me to be who "I" need to be, as a woman. They inform me, especially on aspects of manhood, that I would have no other way to find out about, beyond reading about it in a book. I mean, even lesbians can vibe off the friendship of their gay Brothah-counterparts, for the male perspective of something they both share in common: the Black Experience, and homosexuality. Sex I suppose, I could get from anywhere, but they have been known to be helpful in that arena as well<smirk>. I see them as our relection/mirror, our counterparts, so they are necessary, in terms of balance, i.e. yin-yang Energy.

In terms of serving as mates, well, collectively, I don't think that is necessary, as in, we'll DIE if we don't have a man, but I think if a man complements all that you already are, and vice-versa, you can RIZE together, and let's face it, who want's to go it alone, if you don't have to? That's just icing on what is already a pretty d*** good cake, if you already have your ish together(which I admittedly don't). Maybe optimally, it would be cool to have a Brothah as a mate, but, there ARE other options out there, it's just a matter of deciding whether or not to open one's self up to the possibilites of exploring them. I see Sistahs(like my own biological one, for example)who are Condoleeza Rice-types, but deal w/ knuckleheads. I'm like, 'why'? You don't even NEED a man, so why waste your time & Energy on one who DETRACTS from rather than ENHANCES who you are? Then I have Sistah-friends who are struggling financially, so they deal w/ the babydaddy who makes the most money(ALL of them are knuckleheads), so that he can help her out financially, and assist her in raising the children(even the ones who aren't his). But dude is a knucklehead! so sure, he might 'break her off w/ a lil' cash' every now and again, but the primary Male role model in her childrens' lives is...a KNUCKLEHEAD! so, again, I'm like, 'Why'? I do understand though, the need for financial assistance, and they seem to believe, or have experienced, that these dudes don't provide as much money for their children, if they aren't still intimately involved with their mother.


>2. Polygamy: should we stop "fakin' the funk", w/ all these
>babydaddies, and sleepin' around w/ other people's husbands,
>etc., and just say 'F*** it, we just need to go on and become
>a polygamous society w/in a monagamous society-at-large'? & if
>we let Brothahs do this, do you think they could handle
>it(financially, emotionally & Spiritually w/o letting that Ego
>run amuck)?


NOPE. Not an option. I don't think that Brothahs, for the most part, could handle it in THIS country, and even in modern-Africa, where polygamy has traditionally been a way of life, it proves difficult, for example when the wives have to all live in the same domicile, instead of everybody(including the husband) having their own rondaval(hut) in the Village.

I know polygamous Brothahs, who are married to one wife, and open to the option of adding on wives, but when it comes down to the 'nitty-gritty', admit to me that it's hard enough maintaining the wife they have, w/ family, on ALL levels. Adding more would also bring more stress, financially, emotionally, and otherwise, EVEN if all are in agreement w/ the polygamous relationship. Not to say it's not being done. I know the folk running Nationhouse Watoto in D.C. are Akan, and practice polygamy, along w/ Kwatamani(the raw foods guru). It seems to work for them, w/ their fifty million children. I mean, that WOULD solve the problem of cheating, and so many Sistahs being w/o a "decent" mate, but I always wonder, what is wife #1, or #2 supposed to do for companionship(sexual or otherwise) while her husband is pursuing/courting #3, or staying with her? In Yorubaland, the answer to that question is, "maintain the shrines, and help with her own and other wives' children", but her being busy w/ family duties does not satisfy her need for companionship when her husband is w/ another wife.

>3. MRS vs MS degree: is it a "worthy sacrifice" to focus on
>obtaining education, career, getting your business started(or
>whatever the case may be), BEFORE pursuing marriage(or
>otherwise committed relationship), or possibly, at the expense
>of?

Yes, I'd say it's worth it to pursue the MS degree FIRST, even if @ the expense of the 'MRS' degree, b/c one could get that MRS, and then end up divorced 2-10 years later. if she has no skills nor talents on which to 'fall back' upon, and support herself, then she's screwed, unless she is blessed w/ an abundant alimony settlement(which I'm not sure happens THAT often, in our community).
Optimally, one could obtain both, whether in tandem, or concurrently, but I think it's important for a woman to preserve as much of herself, her interests, and even her career if she chooses to, WHILE married, as opposed to just losing the Self w/in the relationship and/or family. Sure, you might not get to do as much for Self as you could alone, which is to be expected of HIM and the woman, but I think women who just give up everything for the relationship and family find themselves unfulfilled, and that they unfairly sacrificed years down the line, even when the relationship lasts.


>4. OTHERS: IF it's really true that there is a shortage of
>marriagable Brothahs statistically(due to the down-low<the
>estimates are as high as 80% of African-American men engage in
>this behavior, btw>, outright homosexuality, eternal
>bachelorhood, into white women, in jail, on drugs,
>blah-zay,blah-zay, blah-zay, you know the drill...), then
>should we look to other types/races/ethnicities of men? If
>not, then what is the solution?

It depends on the definition of Brothah. I use that term to typically refer to African-Am. men, so, w/ that description, for myself, I pretty much have abandoned the expectation/hope of ending up w/ one. If it happens, and it's right, cool. I know there are other options, Brothahs from other parts of the world, etc., and I am not afraid to explore them.

>5. I worked in Kenya in '02, where it is believed that a
>female does not become a woman until she gives birth. Agreed,
>or disagreed?

Disagree. I don't think it's necessary to have children to fully be a woman, but, from what I've HEARD, it DOES enhance the experience, once you get past the childbirth part.

>I'm sure there are other ponderings(Blackwomyn's issues) that
>we should/could discuss/consider that I have not thought of,
>w/ respect to our unique needs, in our community, that pertain
>to, and effect, for the most part, us. Go ahead and add 'em
>in, and see what we can come up w/.

I agree w/ the Sistah who stated that we, as Sistahs don't lean on one another, enough. My Sistah-friends are GODSENDS, who help me financially, emotionally, Spiritually, you-name-it. Shoot, they are my psychiatrist when I'm crazy, my sounding board when I need an ear, my "road dog" when I'm going someplace that does not allow REAL dogs(Sasa-avatar). They pick me up when I 'fall-out', give me a shoulder when I cry. Feed me when I'm hungry(even though they don't fully "understand" my diet). I mean, they are just CRUCIAL. But, I don't stay as connected w/ them as I much as I might want to, b/c they are all married, live in another state, or are w/ children. It's like, we become divided into different 'tribes' after adulthood, based on who's single, who's not, who's married, who's not, who has children, who doesn't, who's gay, who isn't, who's Christian/Muslim/Yoruba/Akan, who's not. It's difficult. All of those divisions don't exist when you are a girl, and you can just hold hands, and skip, and chatter, and do girl-stuff together. I watch my niece(10 years) do this, and wonder, how many of these girls will maintain relationships w/ her when she is my age(old).