"dis illusion of disillusion"
i cant stand to hear your name..your name,
cant stand to think about all this...this pain,
cant sit to take a breath, a breath of fresh air
cause i keep hoping that on that breath i'll taste your scent there
and find you...you, sitting right here next to me...
this illusion im caught in..has got me trembling
your lips, your hair, your voice..im losing my mind..
its moist under this cloud that keeps blotting out the sunshine
and im not sure if id even want you back but im
feeling growing pains and i keep hearing thangs
heart beats of a phantom body
turning around to find mirrors that reflect only me
and my shadow is what hangs over me
cause im lying face down in these sheets
refusing to look around and see
if i cant feel your hand guiding me
staring at the phone
even though you told me not to call no mo'e
this is such old shit and i know i aint helpin with
me just lettin shit go
fuck it though..
i'm missing you
maybe cause the mission's failed
maybe cause you were my accomplice
my witness and friend
family, lover, queen, mirror, pool of warm water, shady tree,
i cant remember the reasons that i keep on feeling these
emotions drawing me binding me, finding me, no matter where im hiding the keys to my soul..
perhaps i shouldnt trust this anyways..cause when i do i wont be in control..
what happened to time taking its toll, taking my joys and pains away for good?
i mean if i could go back i would..
but since i cant take the smiles and the tears,
take the dreams and the children into the woods
this time dont leave that candy trail for them to return home
so this time we dont have to doubt and wait..
we're just alone.

under your dark skies...storms often rise...circling your insides...
the inner city contains...congested rain...and darkness that engulfs even night
streets lights...where light bulbs never get replaced....the heart of the inner city lies under...
the thunder ridden alley ways...where breath seeps through the concrete..
ghosts we had placed, live through us
after we soaked them into our thought splatterred walls
we greive when they leave scared that the city barriers could fall
we cry.. over the death of the ghosts that lived in the most personal of hosts to us
close to us.. we held them in places of importance
and allowed them to watch our moons collide to cause planets to divide
we saw their unturned eyes
but let them lie in their safety
truly.. we have taken poisons into our streams
and fed our many people..
manic depressive now, after this schizophrenic doubt was put out
at the cost
of
false love
or should i say this illusion, that we accept
disillusionment.. implies that we were dreaming
and we never should have kept going until we tired...
such is the story that burns in the fyre
the book goes out and the story ends
no more pages of friends to burn.. shaking on the sand from the coldness
you build the empire...what have we learnt?