These are thoughts that I feel connect my presence here to my chain of the path behind me. Today this is what I live by.

Everything is moldable. Pain is nothing more than the acknowledgement of the most personal love affair you can experience. The love affair between the soul and the very fabric of our lives. It's beautiful to feel, although I am not a massachist in my lifestyle. I believe that massichism (although I've never researched it) is closer to an obsession with pain, and all obsession is yet another attempt to numb ourselves from reality. It is our ability to feel that allows us to see beauty, we are emotional creatures. Pain is not the key to life, but the act of embracing pain is the closest expression of our immortality in our physical lives. It is widely spread as a teaching that we are made in the image of god, but questionning this is not relevant, all of us believe in the end of our immortality, and that defines our existance regardless of whether or not it is concluded as such. Many have and will continue to relate to me, open up to me, and allow me to attempt to breathe air on their wounds because of my past. Today a girl told me that she shouldn't be complaining, look at how much I've been through. This judgementalness I cannot take to heart as a sign of my own right of passage..but I will not fight it's ability to be used as a tool of growth and support for children and adults lost in this world of beauty. My romance with life is not finished now, nor will it ever be..perhaps that is what astonishes onlookers who hear my story. Life is beautiful. Life is a question, we are the answer. Many search for life's answer, but the personal experience only directs us all to one understanding, that it's all drawn into us. The extroverted reality pours into our souls. There is not one place, person, or thing that I have affected that hasn't affected me. We are all the life force.

Pain is subconciously branded into our minds as an essential part of declaring our independance and identity. It's amazing how doubtful we are of our ability to create an equilibrium in our lives. Every single one of us is capable of creating univeral peace past the planes of our physical existence. All choices are ours at all times. We organize ourselves through society because of fear. It's a primal fear, an ancient fear that has existed since our ancestors roamed the earth. I have no doubts in my mind on that point. Imagine, our ancestors before the history we now grasp onto for guidance, trying to create. Some must have dismissed the visionaries, and some would have swayed them from growth intellectually on the basis of our unimportance as beings. We as a species have always defined our existance through our actions, killings and ostracizing situations have embedded a deep fear in our behaviours. But the fear starts in those who would kill and ostracize, in an attack at the world which is so insignifigant to them. Nothing has changed. Regardless of our histories our existence is the same. The species evolves but the path stays omnious. But that's the point, the path is infinite, and all we have is our romance with it. Our interpretation cannot be understood fully as it is personal, and therefore the omnious power of life cannot be changed. Yet life itself is change, and the path itself is not at all a path.

Fear not. Fear is the root of sin, compliance to it under any grounds is a sin against the honesty that all the truths you seek are based upon. All over the world creation stories have given us guidance in our lonely and yet never empty lives. Original sin attempts to explain our need for independance and how we will fight by all means necessary to create a sense of it. Yet even before the story of eden, satan rebels against god out of greed. Greed in actuality is fearful. Fear of inadequate means to allow yourself to explore your last dreamt creations. But god is what god is. Whether or not you are religious. You cannot fight the origin of the life force. You cannot touch or see it, but it was there before you. In the story of eden our declaration of independance is expressed through the destruction of interdependance. This is truly the source of our pain. Whether or not it was our sin is unimportant. We cannot destroy what always is. Hence pain has become essential to our examination of identity but is truly inessential for our independance. We were independant before original sin, hence our ability to choose. Satan was independant and could have had all he ever wanted, I can only assume that the tragic situation creates such a sense of loneliness that we drag eachother into it. Hence the snake to Eve and Adam.

Because behaviours become genetically inherited after generational habits occur, we have all evolved to be capable of spreading fear and sabatoging all that is ours. My original sin took place when I broke my best friends heart when I was 16 years old. Such was my declaration of true fear of falsehood in my interpretations of reality, and my independance from that fear and that reality. But all reality is relative, as I've said in the beginning of this statement. Through my actions of fearing interdependance as a structure, I created a fear in my ex-best friend of interdependance as a structure. I try to explain that I don't want to take away her independance. I cannot change what is endless. I've learned that the hard way. You see god (life force) is everything. We fear the life force because we are retaught from birth most of our knowledge, but our first interpretation of the life force is what defines our lives. Fundamentally our soul believes what our soul believes.

You can see a persons level of understanding of life force through their behaviour. The way they choose to affect the world around them, whether they notice their imprint, or whether they are spiteful about it. There are an infinite amount of ways that people interact with the life force. If you want to know where a person is at (who a person is at that time..by the way, we are where we should be, we can only interact with life through our personality) observe their relationship with the life force around them. When you doubt the omnious power of the life force you become blind and paranoid. Paranoia breeds sabatoge, and when you realize that eden cannot be destroyed you become ashamed. Nothing can remain unchanged, but nothing can be destroyed, reality is what you believe it to be. Reality is your expression of the life force, your portrait.

You can never escape interdependance or independance.

That is the paradox of life. You run from singular existance (independance) and search for love for years. You find love and you start doubting the existance of your identity as a singular being, your independance. But neither can be destroyed. Forgiveness is the only key to eden, to freedom, to independance and to interdependance. This is the only honest awareness towards pain, because nothing has changed, and yet nothing is the same from the beginning. But that is why we ellude the truth with socially defined ends is it not? Once you are in love you are in love forever. Once you have experience something it is inside you forever. You are inside it's experience forever. We built ontop of eden but we are the key to it all.

If I die know that time does not touch me here. It cannot weigh down my soul for I have lived, and I cannot forget, my soul is in the past and the future. We are the alpha and the omega, our imprints are endless. Love all, for all is love worthy. All is the life force. This is how I survived.

peace.

((wo))