and it's been there all along. but now I see it. bc I don't have to have struggled with this ever - I can just dip in and out of identities for nefarious purposes. hell, I can be a sociopath about the shit and it's okay. the transgendered had me scared - I thought I had to have a genuine issue to be able to make this work. but no. I was afraid that my transition would be a mockery of their real live drama. but no. it's totally fine for me to do this bc I just think being Black is too hard and being Japanese is cool - and it always feels great and it makes my toes curl and my body tingle! so why not? I have no reason not to. my wanting to be Japanese bc Black life is tough and full of terror and hate and fear and drama while Japanese life is like that feeling before a sneeze mixed with that feeling when you pee real hard after you had to for a real long time is totally as valid as anything I've heard from transgender ppl about their transitions so it's all the same thing. I shouldn't be ashamed of myself for being a bigot or insensitive or overly concerned with having a 'gotcha!' moment with ppl who are living real lives with real struggles and/or their advocates. those real ppl don't matter as much as my fictional (creative non fictional, that is) problem with this easy solution. I see it now.