man. me and trace must have the same cravings
in late night 3 to 6am food spots
cause i swear if its a restaurant in ny/la he is
ALWAYS there and he is ALWAYS in trace mode.


"eh! quuostLUOVE you know what idea would be hot?!
stand up with they drums!!!!!!!!!!! an' and and you can
play um um....oh yeah you can play "BABY HOLD ON TO ME!"
and whatz that other song? "oh yeah MR ROBOTO!!" see
im in tuned to my white fan base cause they loove all that
80s shit!!!"

but i'll say the first time we met trace was hands down the shit we
STILL talk about to this day.

he and i were next door neighbors in a denver hotel.
he was doing stand up and we were at the filmore.
so post show time and ill say the girls gone wild factor in
his hotel room was like 14 on a 1-10 scale.
now mind you this was before 30 rock and his spot i always listen to
on g unit radio---so he was still post snl material to me.

his shirt was off and INSTANTLY i knew i had to get out.
i love my honor even more than i love my girl and i knew
once his shirt was coming off then so were theirs.
sure enough im in a room with a bunch of jaw dropped roots
14 ready to get on their knees GGW and a budah stomached lunatic
who is trying to find bobby brown's
"tenderoni" on his ipod.

i was like "i gotta go"

but through the wall last night it sounded like karaoke hell.
i heard "billie jean" "i keep forgetting" "night fever" "sister christian"

so i asked the cats in the van the next day what was going on.

them mofos looked like "TMI" was tattooed on their foreheads.

so funny cause all they described wound up being his standup routine stuff some 2-3 years later.

"yeah it was so weird cause its like....he was yelling "ok roots....we gonna have a toe liking contest!....y'all bitches better not have fungus on your feet cause i know yall like that natural in the wilderness walk in a broken glass infested crack alley barefoot shit!"

i was like "word?!?!!? what else?!?!?!?!"

yeah then he was like "well yall can have them (points to the remaining girls) i likes my white girls with ball park frank plump on they skin. i suck underarms and inner elbows!"
its a waste for a white girl to be that skinny unless she is in junior high! white girls with backfat are my weakness!"

i was laughing so hard! what else?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!


"man....he just kept saying "i wanna leave my legacy in colorado! yall fathers and great great grandads would roll in their grave if they saw this scenario....i wanna impregnate 4 of yall on a minimum!.....eh somebody but "billie jean " on!!!!"

i mean the next 4 days was nothing but tracey morgan one liners onstage. we just thought that was a drunken/drugged up day. but that mofo is like that ALL the time when i see him.